Just like Betty....

There are so many things I want to say right now. So many thoughts I want to write down and record here. So so many thoughts that I long to tell someone. About my passion for baking. About my cookbook addiction. About my love for Paula Deen. About the first cake I ever baked on my own and the tragic beauty that it was. About my recent adventures in bread baking. About my longing for pastry school.

But these things seem stupid and petty and too little too late. So I'll keep quiet about it and hope these feelings drift away with time. Because these things aren't important right now. The time for such grandiose dreams are long gone. Now is the time to be an adult and put away dabbling in the flour until I'm a happy homemaker. Sigh........

Homemaker in Training

So recently I have taken the task of honing my happy homemaker skills. This included a project for Grayson's birthday that I discovered on Pinterest. It was a fort kit. I saw it online in April or May and thought it was such a perfect present for Grayson that I actually programmed a reminder in my phone so I wouldn't forget. Haha. It was super simple. I just sewed to fat quarters together and made a loop for the rope. Then cut out a bat symbol out of felt and glued it on. Then I sewed some loops of ribbon onto some twin sheets with buttons for easy hanging and looping. Add a couple flashlights, clamps, rope and glowsticks and you've got the perfect recipe for little boy joy. Thus Grayson's "Portable BatCave" came together. Honestly I kinda wanted to keep it for myself. :) Here's the link to the website where I got the idea: http://megandandymade.blogspot.com/2011/05/super-hero-fort-kit.html

Here are some pictures:

Loops on all the corners and in the middle of the sheet

Finished sheet

Clamps for helping hang the sheet

Drawstring bag for storing all the supplies

Tag with list of included supplies

All the goodies (the sheets are refolded nicely into the original bags
though I know they'll probably never end up back in there. haha)

Behold: Portable BatCave!!!

In the Meantime...

Life is an interesting thing. Everyone knows it's a journey, but we don't always realize that sometimes you have to drive across West Texas. For those of you who have never driven across West Texas, allow me to enlighten you: It takes FOREVER and there is absolutely NOTHING to look at it. It's just miles and miles of dirt and shrubs. It's probably similar to driving across Oklahoma or Kansas. After making this drive, I understand why pioneers suffered from prairie madness. It's enough to drive anyone crazy. 

That's the road I'm on currently. I'm just in-between cities on this long journey. I'm halfway between young adult and adult, halfway between college and married life. It's a long trip. I have to just keep on going and be patient. I'll get there soon enough.

But the drive is agonizing!!! I'm beginning to suffer from prairie madness. What do you do in the meantime? What do you do while you're waiting to arrive at the next destination of the journey? What do you do to make the time pass quicker? 

I suppose this is the time of my life when I should be settling into a career and beginning life on my own before I join to another for my happily ever after. There's only one slight problem with that....I don't want a career. I've never wanted a career. Since I was a child, I've dreamed of nothing more than being a happy homemaker, to raise a family and care for my husband. I don't want to climb the corporate ladder. The thought seems quite drab. I'm quite happy at the bottom of the totem pole because I have no intentions of staying there forever.

So this time must be when I figure out who I am in life right? Well I've already done that. I figured out who I was in the year long break I took from men while I was finding myself and waiting for Bryan to find himself so that we were two complete people instead of pieces trying to mesh together in a construction paper collage. Now we are beautiful art that compliment each other just right when hung next to the other. So I'm happy with who I am. Just not where I am.......

In the meantime....what do you do in the meantime?

Reflective Time

Bryan surprised me this weekend and came to town. Everyone was going out of town except me (I had to stay here and care for Skipper, our recovering puppy), so we got to spend the weekend alone together. Not that we haven't done that recently, but this is the first time we've spent any alone time together in San Angelo. I'm sure that doesn't seem like that big of a deal but this is the first weekend we spent in a house. Not an apartment. Not the townhouse we shared with a roommate. An actual house that we could make a mess in and be ourselves and leave dishes unwashed and coke cans on the coffee table.


Last night we went to dinner at Cheddar's and then came home and sat on the couch together. I rested my legs across his lap and watched the Olympics while he played games on his computer. When the Olympics were finally winding down for the night, I let the dog out and put him in his bed. I came back and curled onto the couch where Bryan had reclined in my absence. I leaned against him and sighed. My imagination started to run and I said "Someday we'll be in our house like this after I just put the kids to bed and I'll tell you that we need to start putting the kids Christmas presents together." I don't know why my mind went to Christmas but it did. Bryan just went with it and responded "Yeah we probably do." 


"You put together James' bike and I'll get Ariella's Barbie house."
"Oh man. I meant to get some WD40 to help with that and I forgot."
"Oh babe. You were supposed to pick that up."
"I know. I just forgot."
"Well I should have text you and reminded you. I'm sorry."
"It'll be fine. I'll get it done."
"Yeah let's get started. You know the kids will be up at 4."
"Yeah. Man tomorrow is Christmas already?"
"Haha yeah. And we have to get everything done early because you have to be at work at 3."
"Yeah."

And then he kissed my cheek and we laughed. Then we got up and started getting ready for bed, continuing our conversation about the future. Someday we'll have a nice house like this. And someday we'll be putting the kids and the dogs to bed. And someday this and that.


And we are SO READY for it! Even now I'm looking at recipes on Pinterest and dreaming about tying on my apron every night in my 1950s themed kitchen and cooking dinner. There will be a pie in the oven and my daughter will be beside me "helping." My son will be playing in the other room until I call him to help set the table. And then my husband will come home. And we'll be a family. I have an entire board on Pinterest dedicated to the decoration on my future home. I have dishes picked out and themes in mind. I have a wedding book that is beginning to take form in my mind. A scrapbook of sorts.


I'm ready for the wedding, and that week in Hawaii. I'm ready for those babies and running a home. And I'll have to run it because as much as I hate it: my husband will have to work weekends and holidays. He's going to have an important job and I have to come to terms with that. It's an odd thing for me to deal with because holidays have always been so important to me. But I know that I'll adjust to it even though there will be times when I'm frustrated and unhappy with the situation. 


Bryan made an interesting point. We're in the in-between. We're not kids, but we're not really adults yet either. We kind of are, but not real adults. We don't have jobs and house payments and a family. We're in between. And frankly......we hate it. Oh well. In the meantime, I'll prepare for the future. I'll practice being a happy homemaker. And I'll start with Grayson's birthday present.....which I'll shall post about soon. Until then.....

Guess I'll Go Home Now....

Well that was fun. And by that, I mean the 9 month adventure in Midland/Odessa. If you haven't already heard, I have resigned my position at Laredo Petroleum simply because I CANNOT find anywhere to live. At all. Period. In any way, shape or form. Prices here are outrageous!!! A tiny one bedroom apartment with no washer/dryer is running close to $1000 PLUS utilities. My boyfriend has a 2 bedroom, 2 full bathroom, wood floors with washer/dryer in Waco for like $850. I tried to buy a mobile home but there is no land to put it on.


So I shall reset and go home.


Am I happy about this? Sort of. Honestly, Midland/Odessa was not my favorite place on the earth, especially not during an oil boom. People are greedy right now because they can be. And I guess it's understandable to want to get as much money as possible before the town goes bust again. I'm not really a fan of the whole 'bust' idea either. The people I work with are great and super nice, but I don't have any friends outside of work. Or family. Or housing. So I have a job. That's it. Not really worth all the stress and loneliness that comes with. 


Do I regret being here? No way! It was a good time here. I learned a lot. I lived pretty much on my own for the first time in my life. I dabbled in the real world. And I'll be honest - it is terrifying! Definitely don't want to venture into that whole scene unprepared again. Goodness sakes! Plus I got my wonderful man out of the whole experience. And that, in and of itself, has made this whole thing 100% worth it. He's the best man I've ever had in my life! And one day (hopefully in the next year-ish) I will be his wife. And then we can venture out into the real world together. Then maybe it'll be less scary. Because then I'll at least have someone next to me in all these major life decisions that must be made. 


So my last day at this job is June 29th. My last actual day in Midland will be July 1st. Then I will take refuge in my parents' house and start again. At the beginning. Looking for a decent job. I seriously doubt that it will be anywhere near as awesome as my current job has been, but let's face it. There are more important things in life than a glorious paycheck. Security, relationships, and stability are just a few.


Here's to starting over....again.....

Life in General

I recently updated my Pinterest with this quote:


"It's not about the day. It's about the journey! It's about the adventure! It's about the memories made along the way!"


I just made that up one day and thought it was clever. Now I'm reading it and realizing just how applicable it is to my life right now. Yesterday was a bad day. Today has been good so far, but there's no telling what will happen in the next couple of hours. I've had a string of pretty bad days recently. Things are just not working out as simply or as nicely as I had hoped or planned. But it's not about the day. 


It's about the journey.


And the journey I'm on right now is a scary one. There are a lot of twists and turns and potholes and unforeseen dangers. But there is a lot of sunshine as well. There are some daisies and some trees and some bluebirds singing. That's how it is with every journey I suppose. Gotta go past that rough patch of road eventually. 


The journey I'm on is taking me to that next stage in life. You know the one after college when you get a job and get married and buy a house and have babies and become your own little family. And things change! And the world is different. And you view things through a new perspective and have passion for things you never thought you would before. 


My problem is that I'm ready to arrive at my destination. I'm tired of being on the road. I constantly find myself asking, "Are we there yet?" And when I realize that no I'm barely halfway, then I throw a tantrum and fall in the floor and whine and complain and cry about how I'm too tired to go any farther. Then after a little while, I get up and continue down the road. I wish I would just rest along the way instead of trying to go so fast that I wear myself out. I should enjoy the journey. I should remember the moments of sunshine on the road. I should be happy that I'm not stuck at a gas station still. 


But I'm ready to be there already! I want the husband that kisses my forehead in the morning before heading off to work. I want the house that needs to be decorated and cleaned. I want the yard that needs to be mowed. I want the pregnant belly and the toddler that won't let go of my leg for more than 2 seconds when he first gets out of bed. I want the sweet giggles as I tickle them and the shrieks as they chase the dog through the yard on their tricycles. I want to kiss booboos and wipe away tears from scraped knees. I want to have dinner on the table and cookies in the oven. I WANT TO BE JUNE CLEAVER!!! 


But I'm still on step 3. Step 1) Find boyfriend worth while. Check! Step 2) Find good paying job. Check! Step 3) Find a place to call your own. Umm.........yeah about that........can I skip this step? 'Cause it's a really hard one. A near impossible one it seems at times. 


Sigh....not about the day. It's about the journey! Apparently, I haven't passed the right place to set-up home on this journey yet. Guess I'll just have to keep moving along until I do. But if you see me pouting on the side of the road, you'll know why. Maybe shout a word of encouragement as you pass by!

Adventures in Alone

Well Bryan is officially gone now. He left Monday night to begin his big adventure in Waco. I know that he had to go and all that junk, but it doesn't make it even the tiniest bit easier. I know he'll be back, but it won't be anytime soon. Sure 2 years doesn't seem so long in the grand scheme of things, but having only been apart 24 hours so far...it seems like forever. But there's nothing to be done about it now. No amount of pouting, moping, or crying will make him come back any sooner than he has to. Thus, I will learn to be alone...


I think the hardest part is the silence. The never ending silence. I'm a talker and now I have no one to talk to. Sure we talk on the phone but it's almost impossible to watch T.V. or play around on the computer and still hold a decent conversation on the phone. When you're with someone, in the same room with them, you can gauge their reactions and facial expressions and communicate non-verbally. Hopefully Bryan will have internet soon so we can skype together. 


I know I can do this and I know I'll be fine. But right now...I'm taking it one day at a time. Can I make it through the entire work day without crying? That part is easy. There are distractions everywhere and I can always trick my brain into thinking that he'll just be waiting when I get home. Like he has been for the past 6 months. It's the actual going home that's the hard part. When I turn that corner and he's not sitting on the couch deep in a game of Madden or Starcraft. He doesn't look up at me and smile and say "Hey babe." in the way only he can. The cat's not meowing for me to open the bedroom door at night. It's just quiet. Almost like a ghost town. Perhaps I'm being overly dramatic, but I miss him. I fell in love with all these little nuances and I never realized it until they all became absent. 


Sigh....only 23 months and 30 days to go right?