Stress Baker

I've said many times that I am a stress baker. When I say that some people look at me like I'm stupid. But it's true, when I get stressed out, I bake. Why? I think Amy Adams says it best in the movie Julie and Julia: "Chocolate cream pie! You know what I love about cooking? I love that after a day when nothing is sure and when I say nothing, I mean nothing. You can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate and sugar and milk, it will get thick. That's such a comfort."


And that's so true! If I open up a brownie mix and add eggs, oil and water, I will have brownies in about 30 minutes. Delicious moist comforting brownies. 


Yesterday I made Easter cupcakes. I simply opened a box of Funfetti cake mix and baked. Then I opened a jar of Duncan Hines vanilla frosting (please forgive me mom!) added a few drops of food coloring to it and some coconut and made cupcakes. People at work were raving about how cute they were and how amazing they were. I didn't even do much. I'm no Paula Deen (my equivalent of Julia Child), but I can hold my own in the kitchen. 


And I just felt better afterward. I popped those cupcakes into the oven and set the timer and just felt good. I just feel better when I'm in my apron with flour on my face. It's relaxing. It's certain. There's no mystery to what the outcome of a recipe will be (provided you follow it properly haha). 

Call me old-fashioned but I love being in the kitchen. It feels right when I'm in there. Probably because I come from a loooong line of awesome cooks. I'll never compare to my Granny or Sweetheart or mom, but I hope to be good enough to keep my family happy. I want to be that woman who hosts dinner parties for her friends, that keeps the cookie jar filled, that makes homemade birthday cakes for her kids every year. Yeah...I want to be THAT woman! The annoying one. Hahaha


In the words of Gusteau from Ratatouille: "Anyone can cook." :)

Living in Denial

There are things going on right now that I don't want to talk about, simply because I don't want to acknowledge that they are actually happening. I don't want to accept reality as it is at this moment. I don't want things to change. 


Can it really only be 30 days until the love of my life leaves me? Not forever mind you, but for a good year and a half at least. 30 days!!! Less actually. The lump in my throat grows and I struggle to breathe anytime we have to discuss another aspect. It feels like we're breaking up, though I know we aren't. Discussions of who gets what when the move happens don't help. 


Am I strong enough to survive this season? Is our relationship strong enough? I've been in this place before and the territory is all too familiar. I don't like the uncertainty. I don't like the distance. I don't like change! 


Things are far from in place on my side. Still no housing arrangements. Still no friends. Still no idea what I'm going to do with the hours of empty space I'll have when work ends everyday. 


I fell sick to my stomach. I want to cry. But I must be brave because I know he is suffering as well. This is not an easy time, but God is my refuge and my strength. He is my friend in times of loneliness. I can do all things through Christ!!!


Deep breaths....