Drowning in Decisions....

Sometimes life comes at you way to fast. As is the case with me currently. I've been so excited for these moments, but now I feel like I have 9000 decisions to make in the next couple of months. Most of them revolve around my living situation. I'll be honest. I WANT A HOUSE!!!


I want a place I can paint and decorate and make my own. However, I'm being told by everyone that this is a bad plan because I'm too young. Well hello people! I'm almost 25! I just feel like an apartment is a waste of money. That's $800 I might as well flush down the toilet every month.


Things would be so much easier if I had a direct game plan for the next two years. But all of that is up in the air tangled in a mess of "what ifs." What if Bryan gets a job somewhere else? What if we get married before then? What if he gets a job here? What if we aren't even together by then? What if the oil industry busts? What if? What if? What if?


I'm drowning over here. There are decisions to be made and they need to be made sooner rather than later. I'm trying to be patient and let things untangle on their own, but there is pressure from every angle.


Thankfully I have someone on my side who knows the answers to all the "what ifs." And he knows exactly what's going to happen and what I need to do in these next few months. I just need him to communicate some of that to me.......preferably soon. Haha 


Until then......I'll be treading water, trying not to drown in a sea of decisions that I simply cannot make yet.

Cue The 13-Year Old Girl Scream Dance

In 3...2...1 Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!


There are moments in your life when you know that things are gonna be different from now on. When you get your driver's license. Your 18th birthday. Graduating high school. Starting college. Finally finishing college and getting that degree. Your first REAL job.....


I have come upon that step. Today I received an offer from the company I have been temping at for the past 4 months. It's a really REALLY good offer. It's amazing actually! I'm taking the weekend to pray about it and review it, but I'm about 99.9999999999% sure that I'm going to take it.


Words cannot describe the excitement I feel right now. It's just one of those moments where you know that NOW things are going to different. I can't even describe it anymore than to say that. This opens the door to some many more opportunities. Like my own place!!! Finally I can start looking for my own place, a place to set-up home. I can't wait. I've already been looking online at places and I've found some that I really love!


It's a new time in my life and I couldn't be happier. I'm so excited that God is blessing me so abundantly. I've gotten a wonderful man, a great job and potentially a new house all in less than a year! God is such a show-off sometimes.


What's funny is that yesterday morning I lost hope that I was ever going to get an offer from this company and I began looking for other opportunities, wondering if perhaps God had something better for me and was waiting on me to go look for it. Then yesterday afternoon my boss called me into his office to inform me that my offer would be here with the morning mail. I was ecstatic. I couldn't believe that I had doubted even for a minute. It's almost as if God is currently testing me. Like "how long is she going to be patient and wait and trust me before she starts to freak out?" and then just when I hit that breaking point where I don't think I can last another second, He swoops in and gives me the answer to my prayers that I've been waiting for. It's been an interesting game between us. This patience and trust game that we've been playing since last year about this time. I must admit that it's been a good game. It's been a wonderful time of growth and excitement and new places!


So I'll keep walking His way. Notice I said walking, not running, not skipping, not rushing. Just walking on this journey of life toward the dreams of my heart! It's gonna be good!

I don't understand your ways...

Sometimes I look at God and simply want to ask "What the heck are you doing?" This is one of those times. As most of you know, I recently moved to Odessa to be with my wonderful boyfriend, Bryan, whom I love very VERY much. Well last night Bryan informed me that he will most likely be moving to Roswell, New Mexico to go to aviation school. He wants to be an air traffic controller. Personally, I think it's awesome and I support him 110%. However, school is two years in Roswell and then an undetermined amount of time in Oklahoma for a bit more training. 

So I'm looking at three years away from the man I love. This is when I look up at the sky and say "What? I don't understand what you're doing here." And that's the whole issue. That's the whole source of my insecurity right now. I don't understand what's going on. I don't understand what God is doing or why He's choosing to do it in this manner. I know I have to be patient and trusting and all that jazz, but it's hard. And frankly...I'm scared. I don't like not having a plan for the future. I don't like not knowing what to expect. I don't like change.

The other thing that's freaking me out is the simple fact that I am still a temp. I have been a temp for over four months now. I'm "patiently" waiting for my company to to decide that they can finally hire me permanently, and hoping that the pay raise is enough to cover living expenses here in Midland. See, when Bryan moves, I will be homeless. I can't afford a place of my own on my current paycheck because it is stinkin' expensive to live in Midland/Odessa. So as long as Bryan was here, it was no big deal that I was still a temp. Things were manageable. Well that is no longer the case. Needless to say, the situation is stressful. 

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. I don't know anything at this point. And I don't handle not knowing well. It drives me crazy. I need a plan!!! Well I know that God has a plan. I don't know what that plan is, but I know that He has one. And I know that I have to walk patiently beside Him and not try to rush what He's doing. But I wish He would give me a little certainty that things are going to work out. I know He provides good things for His children. These are all things I know. But sometimes, I just need a little more physical confirmation. Something to help me realize that my faith is not in vain. Something to let me know that I'm going the right direction at least. Just something! Anything really! Sigh.....

I don't have any choice. I must go through this fire it seems. But it's gonna be worth it. I believe that all these tough times are gonna be worth it. I don't know how or when or why or any of the details, but it's going to be worth it all!