Life in General

I recently updated my Pinterest with this quote:


"It's not about the day. It's about the journey! It's about the adventure! It's about the memories made along the way!"


I just made that up one day and thought it was clever. Now I'm reading it and realizing just how applicable it is to my life right now. Yesterday was a bad day. Today has been good so far, but there's no telling what will happen in the next couple of hours. I've had a string of pretty bad days recently. Things are just not working out as simply or as nicely as I had hoped or planned. But it's not about the day. 


It's about the journey.


And the journey I'm on right now is a scary one. There are a lot of twists and turns and potholes and unforeseen dangers. But there is a lot of sunshine as well. There are some daisies and some trees and some bluebirds singing. That's how it is with every journey I suppose. Gotta go past that rough patch of road eventually. 


The journey I'm on is taking me to that next stage in life. You know the one after college when you get a job and get married and buy a house and have babies and become your own little family. And things change! And the world is different. And you view things through a new perspective and have passion for things you never thought you would before. 


My problem is that I'm ready to arrive at my destination. I'm tired of being on the road. I constantly find myself asking, "Are we there yet?" And when I realize that no I'm barely halfway, then I throw a tantrum and fall in the floor and whine and complain and cry about how I'm too tired to go any farther. Then after a little while, I get up and continue down the road. I wish I would just rest along the way instead of trying to go so fast that I wear myself out. I should enjoy the journey. I should remember the moments of sunshine on the road. I should be happy that I'm not stuck at a gas station still. 


But I'm ready to be there already! I want the husband that kisses my forehead in the morning before heading off to work. I want the house that needs to be decorated and cleaned. I want the yard that needs to be mowed. I want the pregnant belly and the toddler that won't let go of my leg for more than 2 seconds when he first gets out of bed. I want the sweet giggles as I tickle them and the shrieks as they chase the dog through the yard on their tricycles. I want to kiss booboos and wipe away tears from scraped knees. I want to have dinner on the table and cookies in the oven. I WANT TO BE JUNE CLEAVER!!! 


But I'm still on step 3. Step 1) Find boyfriend worth while. Check! Step 2) Find good paying job. Check! Step 3) Find a place to call your own. Umm.........yeah about that........can I skip this step? 'Cause it's a really hard one. A near impossible one it seems at times. 


Sigh....not about the day. It's about the journey! Apparently, I haven't passed the right place to set-up home on this journey yet. Guess I'll just have to keep moving along until I do. But if you see me pouting on the side of the road, you'll know why. Maybe shout a word of encouragement as you pass by!

Adventures in Alone

Well Bryan is officially gone now. He left Monday night to begin his big adventure in Waco. I know that he had to go and all that junk, but it doesn't make it even the tiniest bit easier. I know he'll be back, but it won't be anytime soon. Sure 2 years doesn't seem so long in the grand scheme of things, but having only been apart 24 hours so far...it seems like forever. But there's nothing to be done about it now. No amount of pouting, moping, or crying will make him come back any sooner than he has to. Thus, I will learn to be alone...


I think the hardest part is the silence. The never ending silence. I'm a talker and now I have no one to talk to. Sure we talk on the phone but it's almost impossible to watch T.V. or play around on the computer and still hold a decent conversation on the phone. When you're with someone, in the same room with them, you can gauge their reactions and facial expressions and communicate non-verbally. Hopefully Bryan will have internet soon so we can skype together. 


I know I can do this and I know I'll be fine. But right now...I'm taking it one day at a time. Can I make it through the entire work day without crying? That part is easy. There are distractions everywhere and I can always trick my brain into thinking that he'll just be waiting when I get home. Like he has been for the past 6 months. It's the actual going home that's the hard part. When I turn that corner and he's not sitting on the couch deep in a game of Madden or Starcraft. He doesn't look up at me and smile and say "Hey babe." in the way only he can. The cat's not meowing for me to open the bedroom door at night. It's just quiet. Almost like a ghost town. Perhaps I'm being overly dramatic, but I miss him. I fell in love with all these little nuances and I never realized it until they all became absent. 


Sigh....only 23 months and 30 days to go right?