Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

As I sit listening to my darling boyfriend play video games and smell the delicious mulled cider candle I just lit, I can't help but be reflective. Life has changed so much in the past two weeks. Change for the better. Change I've been waiting and longing for. Let's start at the beginning...

In case you didn't catch it in the opening sentence I have a boyfriend now. The infamous Bryan Pearce wandered back into my life and this time I've decided to keep him. Haha :) He is a classic nerdy gentleman who is sweet and compassionate and gentle and everything I could possibly want or need in a man. And I do use the term 'man.' He is not a boy as so many of my previous companions have been. He's the real deal. I'm a pretty big fan of him.

I am currently sitting at his house in Odessa. It's not just for a quick visit either. This is where I've come to call home (don't panic everyone! I'm staying with a family friend, not Bryan!) Two weeks ago I was still living in my parent's house wondering when life was going to start. And then out of the blue....it was going.

I have a job here now. It's temp work but hey, it's a job. It's so weird to be away from my family; to not come home and start dinner with my mom; to not fight with my brothers constantly. Last week was difficult, I'll admit. There were a LOT of tears. Homesickness was my middle name. I just didn't feel like I had a place to call my own.

This week is better. Bryan has graciously allowed me to take over his house (hence the new candle) and carry out my domestic desires. It's a win-win for him. He makes his girlfriend happy and simultaneouly gets a clean house, clean laundry and dinner every night. It's a pretty sweet gig. He lets me cook and clean. He shares his home with me so life can carry on with some sense of normality.

So I cleaned the kitchen and went grocery shopping today so I can make dinner for the two of us for the first time tomorrow night. (fingers crossed that it doesn't come out black) I enjoyed it.  It wasn't a chore. I guess somewhere in the past few weeks....I grew up. It's a strange feeling. I'm 24 now and for my birthday I got knives and kitchen towels and measuring cups and decorations for a future home. And I couldn't have been more pleased.

It's strange how you long for life to start - to have a boyfriend to love and a house to make your own and a job to pay your bills. You wait and you pray and sometimes you wonder if it'll ever happen. And then one day you wake up and you're in your boyfriend's living room with a fall-scented candle burning next to you and tears of joy in your eyes.

Cheer Spreaders Since 1945

Mariah and I took a trip to Dallas this weekend and we had an absolutely amazing time! (Well I did....I think she did too...haha) Anyway, on Saturday night we decided to go to Hard Rock Cafe for dinner. So we got dressed up as ladies tend to do when going to dinner at a "fancy" restaurant and went. It was a bit late in the evening and the restaurant was busy, but we were soon seated and ready to enjoy dinner. I'd like to say that the evening was quickly....going downhill. It was getting boring so in typical Mariah and Eowyn fashion we looked for a way to entertain ourselves.

Now it has been said of Mariah and I once or twice that we choose our friends. That we find someone and just decide without talking about it or thinking about that so-and-so is now our friend and will be treated accordingly from now on. This was the case Saturday night. Our waiter came to take our drink order and he was amazing!!! Like I said it was getting late and Blake (our waiter) expressed that his feet were hurting as he had been serving for most of the day. So we told him to pull up a chair and take a seat, which he did and it was all downhill from there.

He was such a sweetheart and such a great waiter. He would try to get his other tables taken care of quickly so he could come and sit and chat with us. He told us it was because we were cool with his personality, like we were okay with him sitting because his feet hurt and we were okay with him neglecting to bring us our ketchup because we knew he was busy taking care of other people too. We were just cool with him and let him be himself. The table behind us left him his number which was funny because we were joking about them being jealous of him hanging out with us. He told us that he had a collage of numbers that he had collected from tables. So in typical Mariah and Eowyn form, we pulled out some paper.

Not to leave our numbers obviously, but to leave him a note. A simple note expressing our gratitude for his great service and just how generally awesome he was. (Note writing is totally a lost artform by the way. People think a text is enough nowadays, but that can be erased and forgotten. A handwritten note....that's different!) He informed us that we were the most amazing table he's ever waited on! Made us feel special. And then we left. Mariah and I talked about the event on the way home and how we tend to gravitate toward people like Blake.

Anyway, the next day plans didn't work out with other friends so we decided to just eat at Hard Rock again (the food is amazing as is the atmosphere) and we found ourselves in Blake's section once again. He was overjoyed to see us. He told us that he had had a hard day so far and was really hoping that we would come in. Then he pulled out his server book and showed us the note we left yesterday taped inside! He said that he put it there so that whenever he was having a bad day he could read it and remember that people like us are the reason he waits tables. Really??? Wow!!! To be honest, I could have cried. We weren't trying to be life changers; we were simply trying to be make him smile for maybe a few minutes. Perhaps laugh a little.

Long story shorter....we spent the next 3 hours just sitting there eating, relaxing and chatting when he had a moment. He had clearly told all his coworkers about us as many people referred to us as "his girls from last night." When we finally decided that it was time to get on the road home, he said he was sad that we had to leave. We could tell that he really enjoyed having us there. He gave us a hug on our way out, told us to find him on facebook and to always ask for his section when we came into town.

So what's the point of this whole long story? I honestly don't know. But I feel like there's a reason that Mariah and I randomly adopt people like Blake for some unknown reason that honestly we don't even know. There was just something about him that made us want to be extra nice, to go that extra mile. He wasn't a Christian. Conversations made that obvious, but is that a reason to treat him like every other person? I don't think so. I think it's a perfect reason to treat him better! Now did we preach Jesus to him and turn him life around? No. We didn't. Should we have? Perhaps. But did we show the love of Jesus to him??? I think we did. If nothing else, maybe on a day where things are really bad, where he's feeling like there's no hope, he'll glance at his server book and remember that note. Remember that someone on the planet thinks he is amazing!

Maybe I'm overanalyzing. But I can't imagine that it coud ever be a bad thing.......

God Appointments

Ever have those moments where you just feel like you're in the "right" place at the "right" time? Lately, I've come to think of them less as coincidence and more as God appointments. I'm apparently at one right now.

Yesterday my mom came to get her hair cut and our hair stylist informed her that she needed someone to cover the reception desk today. My mom asked if I wanted to do it and I said sure why not? It's money in my pocket and experience for the future, right? Anyway, I'm sitting here today and I'll be honest - it's been pretty slow and boring. But my "boss" just got a call that one of her clients passed away. This news coming on the heels of the death of another one of her clients. Needless to say, it's been a rough week for her. Now she's trying to keep it together for her last 3 clients of the day. She got off the phone and looked at me with tears welling in her eyes and felt compelled to apologize to me. I quickly asked if she needed a hug (honestly, I didn't know what else to say or do). When she nodded, I grabbed her and pulled her close.

Right place, right time? I'd say so. I'm so grateful I took the job despite the urge to just be lazy and sit at home today. I love it when I get to be Jesus with skin on.

It makes me want to puke

3 years later and I'm still dealing with nonsense stemming from that ridiculous jerk? Really Eowyn? Well it's official: the man that was once my fiance is now the fiance of the girl I once called best friend. Complicated enough for you? It's like I got drug into a stupid love triangle and apparently I'm going to have to continue to be informed/annoyed/haunted by the whole thing until Jesus comes to get me. I don't have a lot to say on the subject because I don't really know exactly how I feel right now. I can honestly say (with God as my witness) that I wish them all the best as I lean my head over the toilet to dispose of what was once a delicious dinner. Graphic, yes! A pretty accurate description of how I feel at the moment, oh yeah!

Jeremiah 29:23

My new favorite place

Recently, Stacie took me to a store called Concho Confetti. It sells a bunch of old stuff and it's really neat. Well mom and I went on Saturday to look around and I feel absolutely in love with this store. The reason can be summed up in this picture.

There is a corner of this store that contains old black and white photos that people apparently just didn't want anymore. Now I don't know if my mom just raised me right or if I'm a weirdo, but I have a strange passion for thigns from the old. I LOVE it! I stood for a good 15 minutes digging through this pile of pictures. There were baby photos and wedding photos and random photos. There were about 50 cents a piece so I picked out $5 worth and then forced myself to walk away. I loved looking at all those pictures and trying to figure out who the people in them were, where they were, what they were doing. It's interesting to me. It was sad at the same time because someone didn't feel that those pictures were important anymore so they just threw them out. It's tragic that someone's baby pictures and wedding pictures are being sold for 50 cents now. One of the pictures I bought has a story on the back of it. It's awesome! I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with the pictures I bought but I'll figure something out. I just couldn't leave them behind. I'm sure I'll be frequenting that little corner of Concho Confetti quite often now that I know what treasures it holds. If nothing else, the pics are good inspiration for stories. :)

(There's also a section of filled out postcards! One was from 1928!!! LOVE IT!!!)

What the heck am I supposed to be doing???

Honestly, this whole no job, no ideas what I'm doing thing is starting to get old. I cannot force myself to even look at the one thing I technically KNOW I'm supposed to be working on and pursuing. I think the sheer fear of completely failing AGAIN is sucking all the fun out of what I love. I don't wanna be rejected. Could it be possible that I wasted a good 4 and 1/2 years getting a degree in something I love but am apparently not that great at? Surely not....right? I know I can write. I do it all the time. I can do it in my sleep. So why can't I do it when it counts?

Lately, I've been wandering around trying to figure out just what exactly I want to do, besides get married and have a family complete with house to manage. The ideas of marketing and baking have been floating around. I have no idea what marketing even entails though so I'm a little weary on trying that. I love baking. Like literally LOVE it. It's my stress relief. But I don't think I'm a pastry chef type person.

I don't know. I think that's the whole problem. I just DON'T KNOW! It's getting frustrating. Can a girl get a little encouragement here? Maybe a litte direction? Is that too much to ask? I hope not. Cuz I'm asking for both...

Childish

Am I the only one that searches for comfort when things go crazy? Surely not. However, I may be the only one that seeks comfort within the confines of childhood. Things are crazy right now, thus I find myself searching for comfort in the things that made me happy 10 years ago. Even now, i'm eating Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch in my pjs while watching TV. Granted I'm not watching cartoons, but that's mainly because cartoons these days are terrible. I have the extreme urge to pull out my colored pencils and my Disney coloring book and color while I watch "The Little Mermaid." I also wanna bake cookies, which is usually a sign that I'm stressed out. Yes, I admit it - I'm a stress baker. So what do all these things mean? Am I depressed? Doubtful. I mean, granted it would be perfectly understandable considering the recent events. But I really don't think I am. I think I'm just in that grieving period where my soul seeks soemthing familiar to heal it. For me, that equals Barbie dolls and video games. I've always been like this. I guess I just didn't realize it recently because I was a nanny and when I wanted to play with toys all I had to do was go to work. So why am I rambling on about all this like anyone cares? I have no idea. Part of the therapy perhaps? Probably so. Now I'm going to go. I have a date with Mr. Walt Disney! :)

Too Much?

Is it possible to love too much? To care too deeply? To agonize over someone else's pain? If so, I think I have reached that threshold. Someone very dear to me needs money to take care of something that is causing physical pain. And to be perfectly honest, there is no money. No matter which way I crunch the numbers on the calculator, the answer is still the same - insufficient. Thus, I find myself crying in the shower while feverishly scribbling money making schemes on the walls. There is an envelope with more than half the amount needed stashed in my room that I have been saving since graduation for that blissful event known as my wedding. However, tonight I quicky pulled the envelope out of my stash and placed it where it could be found and hopefully accepted. Is it strange that I would so easily give up such a great sum that means something so important to me just to see the one I love made whole again? I'd give everything I had honestly. Even as I write this I am seeing the prophetic ties between my situation and that of the Father. I'm sure it wasn't easy for God to give up his one and only Son for a sinful world full of people who constantly reject Him and blame Him for struggles and strife that they ultimately bring upon themselves. Yet, He graciously extends his hand to us. He slips a simple offering beneath a pillow that we might stumble across it and hopefully accept the gift. I feel like the Lord is desperately trying to teach me something in the area of giving and I cannot figure out what it is. All I know is that more and more often, I feel the quickening of the Holy Spirit to give something. I literally gave $5 to a man in the Wal-Mart parking lot who said he was trying to by a bus ticket back to San Antonio. I have never done that before. I hesitate to give and then instantly feel convicted by the Holy Spirit. I'm not sure if I'm getting it right or not, but I'm giving it my best shot and that's really all we can do in those situations....right? I feel like I need to do more, but I'm not sure how much more I can do. My money disappears quickly these days with bills and trips and the like.But the words of Pastor Dave keep ringing in my head: "You are blessed with more so you can give more." In regards to the current situation, all I can ask is for God to provide. Sun stand still!

Spring Break

Spring Break was GLORIOUS! I spent 3 days doing nothing but sitting on my booty and playing video games. Then I went on a missions trip help rebuild an orphanage in Fairfield. It was so fun! Hard work but super fun. I made some amazing new friends - 5 in particular that I can't wait to go see next time I'm around Dallas. It was awesome to be called by name and to be talked to every morning. These people were so nice and so appreciative of everything that me and Mariah did. It was strange at first but oh so refreshing. I wish we could get a little more of that going on around here. It's nice to have people know you and actually care about you. I've been separated from them for like 2 days now but we are all already friends on Facebook and commenting on each other's statuses almost daily. It's amazing. maybe being involved isn't so bad after all. Maybe I needed this to help remind me of the things I love and need in my life. Maybe it was just nice to get away and be around people that aren't constantly screaming (aka my darling students). Who knows the reason. All I know was that it was GLORIOUS!!!

SPRING FEVER

I have the worst spring fever on the planet right now! Thank GOD Spring Break is next week because I'm not sure that I would be able to take another week without it. I am super excited to be going to Dallas to rebuild an orphanage. It's good to get back into the ministry. I have missed it greatly...oddly enough. Don't tell my MC directors. The thought of getting out in the sun and working on ssomething more important than myself is exciting again. It makes me feel alive. I'm ready for warm weather. For shorts and tanktops and baseball games. I'm ready for swimsuit tans and hours in the car for vacation. I'm excited about the summer's potential. I'm excited to be going to Las Vegas and possibly Germany, London or Disney World. More than anything I'm excited to spend time with my family and friends. Road trips are definitely on the agenda. In fact I'm thinking about taking one in a few weeks. I need to test out this new car on the highway - windows down, sun roof open, music blaring. What more could a girl need!

Summer come soon! Please come soon!

Can I Please...

...just be honest? I'm growing tired of having to live within a secret. This is a time when I should be celebrating and dancing with excitement. Instead, I am forced to keep quiet and only share my excitement with certain individuals. It is frustrating. It is irritating. And it's all because of something stupid. Something meaningless to everyone that knows and understands. But something huge to those who don't mean anything and whose opinions are non-valid and empty. Yet those non-valid empty individuals hold all the power. Thus......secrecy must be kept close. Truth must be shadowed and phrases like "it's complicated" are thrown around much to often. Please let this time come to a close, so I can just be honest with the world and revel in the praise that should be mine. I can hold out just a bit longer...only a bit though. Then I shall burst.

Blog Lull

Oh dearest blog, how I miss thee! How I long to pour my thoughts out into you!!! Yet, the time is not right. Life does not allow my joy or my sorrow to be expressed in a realm where the world can notice. Instead, emotion is poured out in the shower or car as music drowns out the noise of expression. I long to share how I feel with you, precious blog. But my hands are tied. Suffice it to say that I am moving forward. I am moving on with life - growing up, if you will. Not necessarily something I planned or expected, but generally welcomed as time goes by. New things are coming in, old things are fading out. Some things that are welcomed, both in arrival and departure; others, not so much. However, I am leaning on the one who promises favor. FAVOR!The word seems foreign at times. It's unfamiliarity looms overhead. It's an interesting word. Mull it over in your mouth for a while. You'll find it new with every movement. Oh blog, I will return to you someday...someday soon I hope.

"I'll make sure you won't be disappointed. I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you, bring you home to the place form which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it." -Jeremiah 29:14

Thaw The Ice

It's freezing outside. Literally. Temperatures are hovering steadily below 32 degrees F. The whole world is covered in a blanket of white. At first glance, it appears to be a beautiful bed of snow. However, upon further investigation, one realizes that everything is covered in ice - cold, hard, unforgiving ice. Despite its similar beauty, it is a poor substitute for the other. It is but a slight shadow of the reality. Am I speaking to my soul right now?

I've been in a comtemplative mood for awhile now. It's not just the weather. Clearly something is different because I write the word 'I' in reference to myself, something I almost NEVER do! I cut my hair today, got bangs. For the first time in my life, I look popular. I have popular friends now too - real ones that actually know my name and don't just want to cheat off me. I wonder if the hair will change me. I've changed alot lately. I'm much nicer now and genreally more calm. But I find myself wondering...

Is this the shadow of reality or the blanket of snow? Was the horrendous person I used to be the layers of ice attempting to masquerade as something beautiful? I think the latter is true. I feel as if that horrible ice is finally beginning to melt away. Perhaps I am finally becoming myself again. If only it could be so! How marvelous would that be! It comes slowly and some days are frozen, but the gnawing chill of desperationg grows faint as I live to make myself happy and not for the approval of morons. My soul is quiet most nights and my eyes glow with mischief once again. My heart beats fast in the face of injustice and breaks at the sight of misfortune. It's time to unlock the chains and free my heart; time to once again be driven by compassion and love! Time to once again be myself - the sweet, adorable, strange little girl that I am!