Well that was fun. And by that, I mean the 9 month adventure in Midland/Odessa. If you haven't already heard, I have resigned my position at Laredo Petroleum simply because I CANNOT find anywhere to live. At all. Period. In any way, shape or form. Prices here are outrageous!!! A tiny one bedroom apartment with no washer/dryer is running close to $1000 PLUS utilities. My boyfriend has a 2 bedroom, 2 full bathroom, wood floors with washer/dryer in Waco for like $850. I tried to buy a mobile home but there is no land to put it on.
So I shall reset and go home.
Am I happy about this? Sort of. Honestly, Midland/Odessa was not my favorite place on the earth, especially not during an oil boom. People are greedy right now because they can be. And I guess it's understandable to want to get as much money as possible before the town goes bust again. I'm not really a fan of the whole 'bust' idea either. The people I work with are great and super nice, but I don't have any friends outside of work. Or family. Or housing. So I have a job. That's it. Not really worth all the stress and loneliness that comes with.
Do I regret being here? No way! It was a good time here. I learned a lot. I lived pretty much on my own for the first time in my life. I dabbled in the real world. And I'll be honest - it is terrifying! Definitely don't want to venture into that whole scene unprepared again. Goodness sakes! Plus I got my wonderful man out of the whole experience. And that, in and of itself, has made this whole thing 100% worth it. He's the best man I've ever had in my life! And one day (hopefully in the next year-ish) I will be his wife. And then we can venture out into the real world together. Then maybe it'll be less scary. Because then I'll at least have someone next to me in all these major life decisions that must be made.
So my last day at this job is June 29th. My last actual day in Midland will be July 1st. Then I will take refuge in my parents' house and start again. At the beginning. Looking for a decent job. I seriously doubt that it will be anywhere near as awesome as my current job has been, but let's face it. There are more important things in life than a glorious paycheck. Security, relationships, and stability are just a few.
Here's to starting over....again.....
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Life in General
I recently updated my Pinterest with this quote:
"It's not about the day. It's about the journey! It's about the adventure! It's about the memories made along the way!"
I just made that up one day and thought it was clever. Now I'm reading it and realizing just how applicable it is to my life right now. Yesterday was a bad day. Today has been good so far, but there's no telling what will happen in the next couple of hours. I've had a string of pretty bad days recently. Things are just not working out as simply or as nicely as I had hoped or planned. But it's not about the day.
It's about the journey.
And the journey I'm on right now is a scary one. There are a lot of twists and turns and potholes and unforeseen dangers. But there is a lot of sunshine as well. There are some daisies and some trees and some bluebirds singing. That's how it is with every journey I suppose. Gotta go past that rough patch of road eventually.
The journey I'm on is taking me to that next stage in life. You know the one after college when you get a job and get married and buy a house and have babies and become your own little family. And things change! And the world is different. And you view things through a new perspective and have passion for things you never thought you would before.
My problem is that I'm ready to arrive at my destination. I'm tired of being on the road. I constantly find myself asking, "Are we there yet?" And when I realize that no I'm barely halfway, then I throw a tantrum and fall in the floor and whine and complain and cry about how I'm too tired to go any farther. Then after a little while, I get up and continue down the road. I wish I would just rest along the way instead of trying to go so fast that I wear myself out. I should enjoy the journey. I should remember the moments of sunshine on the road. I should be happy that I'm not stuck at a gas station still.
But I'm ready to be there already! I want the husband that kisses my forehead in the morning before heading off to work. I want the house that needs to be decorated and cleaned. I want the yard that needs to be mowed. I want the pregnant belly and the toddler that won't let go of my leg for more than 2 seconds when he first gets out of bed. I want the sweet giggles as I tickle them and the shrieks as they chase the dog through the yard on their tricycles. I want to kiss booboos and wipe away tears from scraped knees. I want to have dinner on the table and cookies in the oven. I WANT TO BE JUNE CLEAVER!!!
But I'm still on step 3. Step 1) Find boyfriend worth while. Check! Step 2) Find good paying job. Check! Step 3) Find a place to call your own. Umm.........yeah about that........can I skip this step? 'Cause it's a really hard one. A near impossible one it seems at times.
Sigh....not about the day. It's about the journey! Apparently, I haven't passed the right place to set-up home on this journey yet. Guess I'll just have to keep moving along until I do. But if you see me pouting on the side of the road, you'll know why. Maybe shout a word of encouragement as you pass by!
"It's not about the day. It's about the journey! It's about the adventure! It's about the memories made along the way!"
I just made that up one day and thought it was clever. Now I'm reading it and realizing just how applicable it is to my life right now. Yesterday was a bad day. Today has been good so far, but there's no telling what will happen in the next couple of hours. I've had a string of pretty bad days recently. Things are just not working out as simply or as nicely as I had hoped or planned. But it's not about the day.
It's about the journey.
And the journey I'm on right now is a scary one. There are a lot of twists and turns and potholes and unforeseen dangers. But there is a lot of sunshine as well. There are some daisies and some trees and some bluebirds singing. That's how it is with every journey I suppose. Gotta go past that rough patch of road eventually.
The journey I'm on is taking me to that next stage in life. You know the one after college when you get a job and get married and buy a house and have babies and become your own little family. And things change! And the world is different. And you view things through a new perspective and have passion for things you never thought you would before.
My problem is that I'm ready to arrive at my destination. I'm tired of being on the road. I constantly find myself asking, "Are we there yet?" And when I realize that no I'm barely halfway, then I throw a tantrum and fall in the floor and whine and complain and cry about how I'm too tired to go any farther. Then after a little while, I get up and continue down the road. I wish I would just rest along the way instead of trying to go so fast that I wear myself out. I should enjoy the journey. I should remember the moments of sunshine on the road. I should be happy that I'm not stuck at a gas station still.
But I'm ready to be there already! I want the husband that kisses my forehead in the morning before heading off to work. I want the house that needs to be decorated and cleaned. I want the yard that needs to be mowed. I want the pregnant belly and the toddler that won't let go of my leg for more than 2 seconds when he first gets out of bed. I want the sweet giggles as I tickle them and the shrieks as they chase the dog through the yard on their tricycles. I want to kiss booboos and wipe away tears from scraped knees. I want to have dinner on the table and cookies in the oven. I WANT TO BE JUNE CLEAVER!!!
But I'm still on step 3. Step 1) Find boyfriend worth while. Check! Step 2) Find good paying job. Check! Step 3) Find a place to call your own. Umm.........yeah about that........can I skip this step? 'Cause it's a really hard one. A near impossible one it seems at times.
Sigh....not about the day. It's about the journey! Apparently, I haven't passed the right place to set-up home on this journey yet. Guess I'll just have to keep moving along until I do. But if you see me pouting on the side of the road, you'll know why. Maybe shout a word of encouragement as you pass by!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Adventures in Alone
Well Bryan is officially gone now. He left Monday night to begin his big adventure in Waco. I know that he had to go and all that junk, but it doesn't make it even the tiniest bit easier. I know he'll be back, but it won't be anytime soon. Sure 2 years doesn't seem so long in the grand scheme of things, but having only been apart 24 hours so far...it seems like forever. But there's nothing to be done about it now. No amount of pouting, moping, or crying will make him come back any sooner than he has to. Thus, I will learn to be alone...
I think the hardest part is the silence. The never ending silence. I'm a talker and now I have no one to talk to. Sure we talk on the phone but it's almost impossible to watch T.V. or play around on the computer and still hold a decent conversation on the phone. When you're with someone, in the same room with them, you can gauge their reactions and facial expressions and communicate non-verbally. Hopefully Bryan will have internet soon so we can skype together.
I know I can do this and I know I'll be fine. But right now...I'm taking it one day at a time. Can I make it through the entire work day without crying? That part is easy. There are distractions everywhere and I can always trick my brain into thinking that he'll just be waiting when I get home. Like he has been for the past 6 months. It's the actual going home that's the hard part. When I turn that corner and he's not sitting on the couch deep in a game of Madden or Starcraft. He doesn't look up at me and smile and say "Hey babe." in the way only he can. The cat's not meowing for me to open the bedroom door at night. It's just quiet. Almost like a ghost town. Perhaps I'm being overly dramatic, but I miss him. I fell in love with all these little nuances and I never realized it until they all became absent.
Sigh....only 23 months and 30 days to go right?
I think the hardest part is the silence. The never ending silence. I'm a talker and now I have no one to talk to. Sure we talk on the phone but it's almost impossible to watch T.V. or play around on the computer and still hold a decent conversation on the phone. When you're with someone, in the same room with them, you can gauge their reactions and facial expressions and communicate non-verbally. Hopefully Bryan will have internet soon so we can skype together.
I know I can do this and I know I'll be fine. But right now...I'm taking it one day at a time. Can I make it through the entire work day without crying? That part is easy. There are distractions everywhere and I can always trick my brain into thinking that he'll just be waiting when I get home. Like he has been for the past 6 months. It's the actual going home that's the hard part. When I turn that corner and he's not sitting on the couch deep in a game of Madden or Starcraft. He doesn't look up at me and smile and say "Hey babe." in the way only he can. The cat's not meowing for me to open the bedroom door at night. It's just quiet. Almost like a ghost town. Perhaps I'm being overly dramatic, but I miss him. I fell in love with all these little nuances and I never realized it until they all became absent.
Sigh....only 23 months and 30 days to go right?
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Stress Baker
I've said many times that I am a stress baker. When I say that some people look at me like I'm stupid. But it's true, when I get stressed out, I bake. Why? I think Amy Adams says it best in the movie Julie and Julia: "Chocolate cream pie! You know what I love about cooking? I love that after a day when nothing is sure and when I say nothing, I mean nothing. You can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate and sugar and milk, it will get thick. That's such a comfort."
And that's so true! If I open up a brownie mix and add eggs, oil and water, I will have brownies in about 30 minutes. Delicious moist comforting brownies.
Yesterday I made Easter cupcakes. I simply opened a box of Funfetti cake mix and baked. Then I opened a jar of Duncan Hines vanilla frosting (please forgive me mom!) added a few drops of food coloring to it and some coconut and made cupcakes. People at work were raving about how cute they were and how amazing they were. I didn't even do much. I'm no Paula Deen (my equivalent of Julia Child), but I can hold my own in the kitchen.
And I just felt better afterward. I popped those cupcakes into the oven and set the timer and just felt good. I just feel better when I'm in my apron with flour on my face. It's relaxing. It's certain. There's no mystery to what the outcome of a recipe will be (provided you follow it properly haha).
Call me old-fashioned but I love being in the kitchen. It feels right when I'm in there. Probably because I come from a loooong line of awesome cooks. I'll never compare to my Granny or Sweetheart or mom, but I hope to be good enough to keep my family happy. I want to be that woman who hosts dinner parties for her friends, that keeps the cookie jar filled, that makes homemade birthday cakes for her kids every year. Yeah...I want to be THAT woman! The annoying one. Hahaha
In the words of Gusteau from Ratatouille: "Anyone can cook." :)
And that's so true! If I open up a brownie mix and add eggs, oil and water, I will have brownies in about 30 minutes. Delicious moist comforting brownies.
Yesterday I made Easter cupcakes. I simply opened a box of Funfetti cake mix and baked. Then I opened a jar of Duncan Hines vanilla frosting (please forgive me mom!) added a few drops of food coloring to it and some coconut and made cupcakes. People at work were raving about how cute they were and how amazing they were. I didn't even do much. I'm no Paula Deen (my equivalent of Julia Child), but I can hold my own in the kitchen.
And I just felt better afterward. I popped those cupcakes into the oven and set the timer and just felt good. I just feel better when I'm in my apron with flour on my face. It's relaxing. It's certain. There's no mystery to what the outcome of a recipe will be (provided you follow it properly haha).
Call me old-fashioned but I love being in the kitchen. It feels right when I'm in there. Probably because I come from a loooong line of awesome cooks. I'll never compare to my Granny or Sweetheart or mom, but I hope to be good enough to keep my family happy. I want to be that woman who hosts dinner parties for her friends, that keeps the cookie jar filled, that makes homemade birthday cakes for her kids every year. Yeah...I want to be THAT woman! The annoying one. Hahaha
In the words of Gusteau from Ratatouille: "Anyone can cook." :)
Monday, April 2, 2012
Living in Denial
There are things going on right now that I don't want to talk about, simply because I don't want to acknowledge that they are actually happening. I don't want to accept reality as it is at this moment. I don't want things to change.
Can it really only be 30 days until the love of my life leaves me? Not forever mind you, but for a good year and a half at least. 30 days!!! Less actually. The lump in my throat grows and I struggle to breathe anytime we have to discuss another aspect. It feels like we're breaking up, though I know we aren't. Discussions of who gets what when the move happens don't help.
Am I strong enough to survive this season? Is our relationship strong enough? I've been in this place before and the territory is all too familiar. I don't like the uncertainty. I don't like the distance. I don't like change!
Things are far from in place on my side. Still no housing arrangements. Still no friends. Still no idea what I'm going to do with the hours of empty space I'll have when work ends everyday.
I fell sick to my stomach. I want to cry. But I must be brave because I know he is suffering as well. This is not an easy time, but God is my refuge and my strength. He is my friend in times of loneliness. I can do all things through Christ!!!
Deep breaths....
Can it really only be 30 days until the love of my life leaves me? Not forever mind you, but for a good year and a half at least. 30 days!!! Less actually. The lump in my throat grows and I struggle to breathe anytime we have to discuss another aspect. It feels like we're breaking up, though I know we aren't. Discussions of who gets what when the move happens don't help.
Am I strong enough to survive this season? Is our relationship strong enough? I've been in this place before and the territory is all too familiar. I don't like the uncertainty. I don't like the distance. I don't like change!
Things are far from in place on my side. Still no housing arrangements. Still no friends. Still no idea what I'm going to do with the hours of empty space I'll have when work ends everyday.
I fell sick to my stomach. I want to cry. But I must be brave because I know he is suffering as well. This is not an easy time, but God is my refuge and my strength. He is my friend in times of loneliness. I can do all things through Christ!!!
Deep breaths....
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Drowning in Decisions....
Sometimes life comes at you way to fast. As is the case with me currently. I've been so excited for these moments, but now I feel like I have 9000 decisions to make in the next couple of months. Most of them revolve around my living situation. I'll be honest. I WANT A HOUSE!!!
I want a place I can paint and decorate and make my own. However, I'm being told by everyone that this is a bad plan because I'm too young. Well hello people! I'm almost 25! I just feel like an apartment is a waste of money. That's $800 I might as well flush down the toilet every month.
Things would be so much easier if I had a direct game plan for the next two years. But all of that is up in the air tangled in a mess of "what ifs." What if Bryan gets a job somewhere else? What if we get married before then? What if he gets a job here? What if we aren't even together by then? What if the oil industry busts? What if? What if? What if?
I'm drowning over here. There are decisions to be made and they need to be made sooner rather than later. I'm trying to be patient and let things untangle on their own, but there is pressure from every angle.
Thankfully I have someone on my side who knows the answers to all the "what ifs." And he knows exactly what's going to happen and what I need to do in these next few months. I just need him to communicate some of that to me.......preferably soon. Haha
Until then......I'll be treading water, trying not to drown in a sea of decisions that I simply cannot make yet.
I want a place I can paint and decorate and make my own. However, I'm being told by everyone that this is a bad plan because I'm too young. Well hello people! I'm almost 25! I just feel like an apartment is a waste of money. That's $800 I might as well flush down the toilet every month.
Things would be so much easier if I had a direct game plan for the next two years. But all of that is up in the air tangled in a mess of "what ifs." What if Bryan gets a job somewhere else? What if we get married before then? What if he gets a job here? What if we aren't even together by then? What if the oil industry busts? What if? What if? What if?
I'm drowning over here. There are decisions to be made and they need to be made sooner rather than later. I'm trying to be patient and let things untangle on their own, but there is pressure from every angle.
Thankfully I have someone on my side who knows the answers to all the "what ifs." And he knows exactly what's going to happen and what I need to do in these next few months. I just need him to communicate some of that to me.......preferably soon. Haha
Until then......I'll be treading water, trying not to drown in a sea of decisions that I simply cannot make yet.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Cue The 13-Year Old Girl Scream Dance
In 3...2...1 Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!
There are moments in your life when you know that things are gonna be different from now on. When you get your driver's license. Your 18th birthday. Graduating high school. Starting college. Finally finishing college and getting that degree. Your first REAL job.....
I have come upon that step. Today I received an offer from the company I have been temping at for the past 4 months. It's a really REALLY good offer. It's amazing actually! I'm taking the weekend to pray about it and review it, but I'm about 99.9999999999% sure that I'm going to take it.
Words cannot describe the excitement I feel right now. It's just one of those moments where you know that NOW things are going to different. I can't even describe it anymore than to say that. This opens the door to some many more opportunities. Like my own place!!! Finally I can start looking for my own place, a place to set-up home. I can't wait. I've already been looking online at places and I've found some that I really love!
It's a new time in my life and I couldn't be happier. I'm so excited that God is blessing me so abundantly. I've gotten a wonderful man, a great job and potentially a new house all in less than a year! God is such a show-off sometimes.
What's funny is that yesterday morning I lost hope that I was ever going to get an offer from this company and I began looking for other opportunities, wondering if perhaps God had something better for me and was waiting on me to go look for it. Then yesterday afternoon my boss called me into his office to inform me that my offer would be here with the morning mail. I was ecstatic. I couldn't believe that I had doubted even for a minute. It's almost as if God is currently testing me. Like "how long is she going to be patient and wait and trust me before she starts to freak out?" and then just when I hit that breaking point where I don't think I can last another second, He swoops in and gives me the answer to my prayers that I've been waiting for. It's been an interesting game between us. This patience and trust game that we've been playing since last year about this time. I must admit that it's been a good game. It's been a wonderful time of growth and excitement and new places!
So I'll keep walking His way. Notice I said walking, not running, not skipping, not rushing. Just walking on this journey of life toward the dreams of my heart! It's gonna be good!
There are moments in your life when you know that things are gonna be different from now on. When you get your driver's license. Your 18th birthday. Graduating high school. Starting college. Finally finishing college and getting that degree. Your first REAL job.....
I have come upon that step. Today I received an offer from the company I have been temping at for the past 4 months. It's a really REALLY good offer. It's amazing actually! I'm taking the weekend to pray about it and review it, but I'm about 99.9999999999% sure that I'm going to take it.
Words cannot describe the excitement I feel right now. It's just one of those moments where you know that NOW things are going to different. I can't even describe it anymore than to say that. This opens the door to some many more opportunities. Like my own place!!! Finally I can start looking for my own place, a place to set-up home. I can't wait. I've already been looking online at places and I've found some that I really love!
It's a new time in my life and I couldn't be happier. I'm so excited that God is blessing me so abundantly. I've gotten a wonderful man, a great job and potentially a new house all in less than a year! God is such a show-off sometimes.
What's funny is that yesterday morning I lost hope that I was ever going to get an offer from this company and I began looking for other opportunities, wondering if perhaps God had something better for me and was waiting on me to go look for it. Then yesterday afternoon my boss called me into his office to inform me that my offer would be here with the morning mail. I was ecstatic. I couldn't believe that I had doubted even for a minute. It's almost as if God is currently testing me. Like "how long is she going to be patient and wait and trust me before she starts to freak out?" and then just when I hit that breaking point where I don't think I can last another second, He swoops in and gives me the answer to my prayers that I've been waiting for. It's been an interesting game between us. This patience and trust game that we've been playing since last year about this time. I must admit that it's been a good game. It's been a wonderful time of growth and excitement and new places!
So I'll keep walking His way. Notice I said walking, not running, not skipping, not rushing. Just walking on this journey of life toward the dreams of my heart! It's gonna be good!
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