A Letter to the Women of the Married Club

To the Members of the Married Club:

For years we've watched you, envied you, longed to be invited to your club. We've watched others younger than ourselves be inducted and welcomed with open arms. We try to be patient and wait for our chance to find a man and be invited to join at last. We've stood on the outskirts of the circle longing to contribute to the conversation about men who leave their socks on the floor. We've done our best to be close enough to call you our friends. We've attended your parties and stood alone on the wall, watching, feeling isolated because love hasn't come our way yet. We've celebrated and tickled your babies, filled with excitement and longing for our own. 

Now the time has finally come for our own weddings and still we wait for our membership to the club we have coveted for years. But it hasn't come yet. We continue to wait with anticipation and wonder when it will come. But more importantly, we are slowly realizing that we know nothing about wedding planning or how to be a wife. All those years of watching from afar have done nothing to actually prepare us for the journey ahead. We have no idea what it takes to run a home or deal with a disappointed husband who has been passed over for a promotion at work or even simply had a rough day. How do you handle burned meals when the in-laws are expected for dinner? How do you express hurt feelings or longing for intimacy? How do you explain disappointment without being accusatory or causing resentment? We can't help but feel ill-equipped and embarrassed at this lack of knowledge. We have no one to talk to about delicate issues of intimacy and romance as our mothers are mortified at the thought of the deflowering of their babies.

So perhaps instead of forcing us to stand on the sidelines, invite us to join the conversation. Take us under your wings and teach us some things before we're standing at the top of the aisle staring at a man we love, but terrified that we're not prepared. Lead us in the right direction and then share in our excitement at this new chapter. Don't make us force our way into the club. Don't force us to figure it out by ourselves. Welcome us to the club and realize we're not little kids anymore. For some of us, it's too late. We've already matured and started down the aisle. But there are others behind us that could benefit from your knowledge and experience. This letter isn't meant to shame or manipulate, solely to raise awareness. You are being watched. You are being envied. You are the ones we long to be like someday. Sure there are others who are older, but they aren't the ones we've been looking up to for years. They aren't the "cool" girls we saw in college while we were struggling through high school. They were the mothers of the cool girls; they were the ones that taught you. It's your turn to teach us, because now we're in college and we don't feel "cool." We still feel overshadowed and behind you - the women of the married club. Maybe someday we'll figure it out on our own and we'll find ourselves finally equal with the women we've always wanted to be. It would sure be a lot easier with your help though. And who knows? Maybe with some direction beforehand, our marriages would be a little bit more successful.

Sincerely,

Hopeful pledges everywhere

The Proposal Story

I'm sure many of you are wondering about The Proposal Story, so I figured I'd put it on my blog so you can all enjoy it! :)

So I had a sneaking suspicion that he was gonna propose that weekend because a) I had already picked out my ring, b) he told me he was taking me out for a fancy date and c) he told me I could get my nails done "if I wanted to." Anyway, he was running late from work and was super upset about it, but I just rolled it with and was ready when he got there.

So we got all dressed up and went to Cheddar's for dinner, which is where we went on our first date. We always play paper football when we're at Cheddar's and he told me before that he had the idea of sliding the ring box across the table instead of the football. So I told him that I wanted to play paper football but I was afraid I'd get a box instead of a football and he just laughed. So then I was teasing him and asking if it was in my food or my drink and of course it wasn't and it was just good silly fun.

So after dinner we get in the truck to go to Baskin Robbins and I see something weird shaped in his pocket. I keep staring at it and trying to figure out what it is. When we get to Baskin Robbins, he goes "You know those are just my keys in my pocket, right?" and starts laughing. So I tell him not to laugh at me because he knows what's going on and I don't. So then I just start being over the top with everything. I kept asking him "Is it in my ice cream?" "Is it at the bottom of this cone?" and other ridiculous type questions.

So we start driving out to the EQ (The Equalization Channel at the Lake) and I find like this shiny hard thing in my ice cream and I'm like "what the heck is this?" It turns out to just be a frozen chunk of ice cream, but I honestly had a mini heart attack for a second. So we get to the EQ and finish eating our ice cream. He starts digging around in the backseat for a water bottle and we were joking around when I decide to get out of the truck for a little bit. So he eventually gets out too and comes over to me and is acting all nervous and weird and I start thinking "Oh my gosh. Is this about to happen?"

Well then this weird creepy dude drives up and parks right across from us and just sits there staring at us. It was super weird. So Bryan suggests we move in front of the truck where that weird dude can't creep on us. We're just standing there chatting and being silly and he calms down so I'm like "Well maybe he isn't doing it tonight."

I get tired of standing on the caliche in my high heels so I go get in the truck. He follows me and is standing in the passenger door while I start cleaning out the middle console so we can cuddle in the truck and watch the sunset. So I'm cleaning and we're joking around and he goes "Babe did you know that I love you?" I can tell that his voice is coming from low to the ground. So I turn towards him....

And he's kneeling on one knee outside the passenger door and I go "Oh my god, WHAT are you doing?" And he goes "Tying my shoe." It was so obvious he wasn't tying his shoe, but it was that little moment we needed to realize this is happening. So then he said "Babe do you know I love you? Do you know there's no one who is more perfect for me? Do you know I want to spend the rest of my life with you?" Then he pulls out the ring and goes "Do you want this?" I of course said yes and put it on and started kissing him and crying and everything.

Then he gets in the truck and I literally scream out of excitement and hurt his ears. Then he pulls a package out of the backseat and hands it to me. Inside is a Dolphins jersey with the number 1 and MRS PEARCE on the back because he always tells me I'm his number one draft pick! :) 

I thought I wanted some grand romantic gesture but it was absolutely perfect just the way he did it. It was so us and he caught me completely off guard and it was amazing. Now it's only a few months till we're together forever!!!

It's Gonna Rain...

You know the old saying "when it rains, it pours." Well I feel like I need to start heading for a life raft. This week has been nothing but one storm after another. Long lasting storms. Not little showers that refresh your faith and move on. Like hurricane force winds affecting every aspect of life. I don't want to go into a lot of detail, just suffice it to say that it seems like every time I've turned around this week something else has tumbled down. Most stemming from one unpleasant event.

So I've been pretty frustrated and annoyed and just generally down this week. It happens when one sustains a week's worth of storms. The gloomy gray sky starts to take its toll on one's soul. I felt the urge to give up. Multiple times. If I didn't have such an amazing man - who let's face it - is practically carrying me right now, I probably would have given up and runaway. Yeah I'm a runner. I'm working on it. 

Needless to say, my Bible devotion this morning focused on perseverance through storms. Of course right? God always has to do things like that. In times like these it's both comforting and slightly irritating. Irritating in that way one gets irritated with the know-it-all in math class. Like we get it! You know everything! Quit rubbing it in my face! But of course, it's comforting at the same time to know that God knew exactly what I was going to be feeling/going through on February 8th and thus directed Tony Dungy to write the perfect devotional for this day over 2 years ago. Makes you feel kinda special when you think about it that way.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Back to the point. I was talking with God and I was like I don't understand why it has to rain right now. Like this is the worst possible time to try and drown me. I have 900 other things to think about. And does it really have to rain this much? It seems excessive. And then He said the most profound thing to me: April showers bring May flowers. Obviously I was confused because 1) it's February and 2) what does that have to do with anything that's going on right now??? Then He explained further. Basically the land is scorched right now. Life has dried us all up. His blessings cannot grow in dry, dead, scorched land. Thus we have to go through some heavy monsoons before blessings can once again abound in our lives. Very plainly and simply: flowers cannot grow in May without the land being prepared through the April showers.

I am oddly comforted by this thought. Mainly by the humanistic thought of "Awesome only a month of this!" Which I have no doubt is not true by any stretch of the imagination for God's timing and storms are often more complicated than that. But it's comforting to think that there's a reason behind these intense showers now. See I'm looking to move into a new chapter in life very soon. My heart must be ready before I can gain the wondrous blessings of that season. Honestly, it totally sucks! It double sucks! It's terrible and I hate it and I want it to be over with already. But I know it'll be worth it. I don't know how or when or why...but I know that God isn't going to take such precious care to water the land and then never allow flowers to grow.

So glory to God - I've got a garden growing soon!!! And it's gonna be magnificient!!!

Rebuild the Temple!

The first part of my devotion today was focused on taking care of your body. The focus verse was 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. "Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God: You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body."

In the devotional part, Tony Dungy said something that really gripped me. "The truth is, your body is still a temple, whether it's run-down or not." That just hit me as so profound. We always hear in church that our bodies are temples. Over and over and over until it's like yeah we get it. I'm a temple. But it never occurred to me that my body in its current state could still be a temple to God. I immediately thought of the story in the Bible when the Jews were rebuilding the temple of Jerusalem. They were worn out and didn't want to continue. But Nehemiah urged them forward and they rebuilt the temple of Jerusalm. 

Right now I feel like my temple is a bit run-down. I haven't exactly taken awesome care of it. But lately I'm trying to change that and I'm turning it around. Rebuilding the temple God gave me one piece at a time. There are days when I'm discouraged, but then Jesus urges me forward and I know that I can do it! I also kinda feel like Solomon. Building the temple from scratch. I can't imagine the portable temple wasn't a bit worn after being used and moved so many years. But my new temple is going to be glorious. One of splendor and talk for years to come!!! Moving forward....

Encouragement Anew...

Few quick thoughts from my devotion time this more:

1) First of all, check out the beatitudes from the Message:
         "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. You're blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought. You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat. You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for. You're blessed when you get your inside world - your mind and heart - put right. Then you can see God in the outside world. You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family. You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom. Now only that - count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens - give a cheer, even! - for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble."

I absolutely love the fresh wording of these verses. We've all heard these a bazillion and one times. Thought I would share a new perspective on them.

2) Apparently it is the year of the wedding. One of my closest friends recently got engaged, along with 4 other people I know. This my dear friends makes me terribly impatient and annoyed! I want it to be MY turn already! Yes, I am selfish and greedy in this area! However some encouragement came from Romans 8 this morning. Again from the Message:
           "This is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along."

Granted I have never experienced the waiting of pregnancy, but I can imagine what it's like. No I've never felt it, but I've been around plenty of pregnant women and listened to their sighs and groans for the baby to hurry up and get outta there and into their arms. So I can identify with the metaphor. However, the longer the wait, the more joyful the expectancy. It's been a long journey for Bryan and I. One that began and exhausted me long before I ever met him. However, I know that God understands my "pregnant" condition, and is working out all the details into something amazing that I will be able to cherish and hold close in due time. He understands my groans and sighs and isn't frustrated with me. But I imagine he smiles a bit while I'm throwing a mental tantrum.....because he knows the awesomeness that is just over the horizon. That I will soon call my own! Ahhh I CANNOT WAIT! Haha :)

PS God is totally amazingly awesome!!!

A New Year

So like everyone else in the entire world, I made some New Year's resolutions. Some goals to work towards in this fresh start of 2013. They were pretty typical too: 1) Have a daily devotion time with God everyday. 2) Get in shape and finally lose some serious weight. 3) Dedicate at least 1 hour to writing daily.

Nothing big or fancy right? But that doesn't make them any less important. So in typical Eowyn fashion, I started a little late. Apparently the new year doesn't start until the 8th for me. What can I say - change is terrifying for me. Even little changes. Nevertheless, I woke up this morning with a dedicated mind and decided today was the day to begin.

So I pulled out my copy of "The One Year Uncommon Life: daily challenge" by Tony Dungy. Yes the old head coach of the Indianapolis Colts. The man is amazing and loves God and has awesome character. One reason I initially fell in love with the Colts, and one reason why I became disenchanted last season. But that's another story for another time. Anyway, since I started a week late I'm having to do two daily challenges until I get caught up. No big deal. So my plan is to read the one-page devotional by Mr. Dungy, then read the chapter that the core verse is taken from in the Message. (I have to read the whole chapter mainly because in maddening fashion the Message has no verse numbers. Thus it's quite difficult to find the single verse.) Then having done that, I read the verses in my Women of Faith Study Bible and any little side devotion related to the original passage. Seems complicated but it's really not and trust me, I NEEDED an outline. Otherwise I sit and stare and drool and accomplish nothing. After reading, Jesus and I spend some time in conversation. Simple. Easy. Great for habit forming.

So I started today and the first devotional dealt with self-discipline. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27. Verses I've heard and memorized a bazillion times, yet today they seemed new and fresh and just for me. I need some serious self-discipline people - physically and spiritually. That is my challenge for today. Run from self-indulgence! So that was pretty cool that the first thing was directly aimed at my new year's goals. 

Then day two. Focus on God's promises for a good future. Revelation 21:1-5. My favorite parts of these verses come from the Message. I actually highlighted them in my Bible. Yes people! Understand what just happened! I wrote in a book! It's utter craziness I know, but I really couldn't help myself. Here are my favorite parts: "God has moved into the neighborhood, making his home with men and women....He'll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good - tears gone, crying gone, pain gone - all the first order of things gone...I'm making everything new. Write it all down - each word dependable and accurate." He's making all things new! I can't accurately express the excitement these words brought me. It's a season of change for me. A new chapter is just on the horizon. I can see glimpses of it in my dreams. I cannot wait! 

God spoke directly to my heart about the two things that I needed to hear the most. He's with me on the journey and he's taking me toward the new great things he has been planning for me before I was born. He knows the desires of my heart and is moving to fulfill them. He's completely awesome and totally amazing!!!

Be prepared people! He said to write it all down! Which happens to be resolution number 3. So this blog should be overflowing. :)

Let's Just Be Honest...

I struggle with my weight. Big surprise, right? Honestly what girl on this planet doesn't anymore? We're all either too fat or too skinny or too muscular. I recently did Lysa TerKeurst's Made to Crave bible study with some ladies at church. It was quite good and for some crazy reason that can only be God, I've decided to open up and let it all spill out. (Lord help me!)

I'm sure many of you reading this are thinking one of two things: "My dear you are by no means 'fat'." or "Well she could stand to lose a few pounds, but she's not so bad as she is really." If you are quite convinced that I am in fact obese, then please discontinue reading. Frankly, discontinue being my friend as well. For if anyone thinks I am in a state of pure obesity and doesn't care enough to bring it to my attention in a loving manner, then they are by no means my friend. No one needs friends like that. Anyway here's what it boils down to: as so eloquently stated by Lysa "This wasn't really about the scale or what clothing size I was; it was about this battle that raged in my heart."

While I would love to be a microscopic little thing that could get away without wearing a bra sometimes, that will never happen. Let's face it. I'm one of those curvy chicks that are finally receiving some recognition for their beauty lately. I have never been a size 2. I will never be a size 2. If I am ever a size 2, I will look deathly. That's not the issue. The issue is that when I look in a mirror at myself everyday, I am (dare I say) unequivocally unhappy with the reflection that stares back at me. Granted, I have good days like every other woman on the planet. But the majority of the time, I am disgusted. Because when I look in the mirror I don't see a few love handles and sexy curves and good birthing hips. I don't see a soft bosom for snuggling sweet babies. I see years and years of hurt and hatred and empty desire. That's what lead to this build up of fat around my body. Layers and layers of chubbiness packed on in a distinct effort to extinguish the burning pain within my heart. See if I was chubby (as I was so often described) then it made sense why boys didn't want to hang out with me, why I didn't have a date to the dance, why I didn't make the volleyball team. Simply....why I wasn't good enough. But in high school when I blossomed as all girls do and lost all that "baby" fat, the drowning hurt and sorrow that washed over my delicate frame was too much to bear. It was overwhelming. Thus, I packed back on the pounds and didn't care for it was safer within this thick exterior. In college, I once again lost weight and thought myself pretty and was once again slapped in the face by people I should never have put stock in.

Nevertheless, the pounds have returned. And to be quite honest, I absolutely abhor them! Every reflection is an intense reminder of all that I have suffered. I find it difficult to move past and be myself  and live the life I want because the remnant of the hurt remains. Am I telling you this to make you feel sorry for me? No. Am I telling you this to try and justify an unhealthy lifestyle? No. I am telling you this because I am tired of carrying around 50 pounds of hurt all the time. It's exhausting. Talk about baggage. I am not asking for contradictions to what I have said, for they will fall on deaf ears. Would I appreciate prayers and encouragement and understanding? Of course! Now as I look into the face of a new year, of a new chapter in life, I shall work to turn the page. To shed the weight that has been holding me down and robbing me of joy and my own sense of beauty and self-worth. It's going to be a rough road ahead, but you know what? I've got a great workout buddy. He's with me all the time and he loves me deeply and he understands how I feel even if I can't imagine how. And with him.......anything is possible..........and absolutely nothing is impossible either (which I feel is just as important to remember).