A Letter to the Women of the Married Club

To the Members of the Married Club:

For years we've watched you, envied you, longed to be invited to your club. We've watched others younger than ourselves be inducted and welcomed with open arms. We try to be patient and wait for our chance to find a man and be invited to join at last. We've stood on the outskirts of the circle longing to contribute to the conversation about men who leave their socks on the floor. We've done our best to be close enough to call you our friends. We've attended your parties and stood alone on the wall, watching, feeling isolated because love hasn't come our way yet. We've celebrated and tickled your babies, filled with excitement and longing for our own. 

Now the time has finally come for our own weddings and still we wait for our membership to the club we have coveted for years. But it hasn't come yet. We continue to wait with anticipation and wonder when it will come. But more importantly, we are slowly realizing that we know nothing about wedding planning or how to be a wife. All those years of watching from afar have done nothing to actually prepare us for the journey ahead. We have no idea what it takes to run a home or deal with a disappointed husband who has been passed over for a promotion at work or even simply had a rough day. How do you handle burned meals when the in-laws are expected for dinner? How do you express hurt feelings or longing for intimacy? How do you explain disappointment without being accusatory or causing resentment? We can't help but feel ill-equipped and embarrassed at this lack of knowledge. We have no one to talk to about delicate issues of intimacy and romance as our mothers are mortified at the thought of the deflowering of their babies.

So perhaps instead of forcing us to stand on the sidelines, invite us to join the conversation. Take us under your wings and teach us some things before we're standing at the top of the aisle staring at a man we love, but terrified that we're not prepared. Lead us in the right direction and then share in our excitement at this new chapter. Don't make us force our way into the club. Don't force us to figure it out by ourselves. Welcome us to the club and realize we're not little kids anymore. For some of us, it's too late. We've already matured and started down the aisle. But there are others behind us that could benefit from your knowledge and experience. This letter isn't meant to shame or manipulate, solely to raise awareness. You are being watched. You are being envied. You are the ones we long to be like someday. Sure there are others who are older, but they aren't the ones we've been looking up to for years. They aren't the "cool" girls we saw in college while we were struggling through high school. They were the mothers of the cool girls; they were the ones that taught you. It's your turn to teach us, because now we're in college and we don't feel "cool." We still feel overshadowed and behind you - the women of the married club. Maybe someday we'll figure it out on our own and we'll find ourselves finally equal with the women we've always wanted to be. It would sure be a lot easier with your help though. And who knows? Maybe with some direction beforehand, our marriages would be a little bit more successful.

Sincerely,

Hopeful pledges everywhere