I don't understand your ways...

Sometimes I look at God and simply want to ask "What the heck are you doing?" This is one of those times. As most of you know, I recently moved to Odessa to be with my wonderful boyfriend, Bryan, whom I love very VERY much. Well last night Bryan informed me that he will most likely be moving to Roswell, New Mexico to go to aviation school. He wants to be an air traffic controller. Personally, I think it's awesome and I support him 110%. However, school is two years in Roswell and then an undetermined amount of time in Oklahoma for a bit more training. 

So I'm looking at three years away from the man I love. This is when I look up at the sky and say "What? I don't understand what you're doing here." And that's the whole issue. That's the whole source of my insecurity right now. I don't understand what's going on. I don't understand what God is doing or why He's choosing to do it in this manner. I know I have to be patient and trusting and all that jazz, but it's hard. And frankly...I'm scared. I don't like not having a plan for the future. I don't like not knowing what to expect. I don't like change.

The other thing that's freaking me out is the simple fact that I am still a temp. I have been a temp for over four months now. I'm "patiently" waiting for my company to to decide that they can finally hire me permanently, and hoping that the pay raise is enough to cover living expenses here in Midland. See, when Bryan moves, I will be homeless. I can't afford a place of my own on my current paycheck because it is stinkin' expensive to live in Midland/Odessa. So as long as Bryan was here, it was no big deal that I was still a temp. Things were manageable. Well that is no longer the case. Needless to say, the situation is stressful. 

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. I don't know anything at this point. And I don't handle not knowing well. It drives me crazy. I need a plan!!! Well I know that God has a plan. I don't know what that plan is, but I know that He has one. And I know that I have to walk patiently beside Him and not try to rush what He's doing. But I wish He would give me a little certainty that things are going to work out. I know He provides good things for His children. These are all things I know. But sometimes, I just need a little more physical confirmation. Something to help me realize that my faith is not in vain. Something to let me know that I'm going the right direction at least. Just something! Anything really! Sigh.....

I don't have any choice. I must go through this fire it seems. But it's gonna be worth it. I believe that all these tough times are gonna be worth it. I don't know how or when or why or any of the details, but it's going to be worth it all!