It really makes me wonder...

There are definite days when I wish that I had a 'care' switch that I could simply switch to the 'off' position and just stop caring. It usually comes after I come to the simple realization that it doesn't matter to some people how much you care and worry about them because they don't feel the same about you. Yet no matter how hard I try I am completely incapable of stopping caring/worrying about them. This is going to sound horrible, but it makes me wonder why I am such a good friend sometimes! I'm sure that sounds waaay conceited but it's true. I bend over backward to be nice and do what I can for people who are jerks and who walk all over me in the process. However instead of just forgetting them and moving on with life, I think about how they're doing and wonder if they are okay. And in the rare event that they call at 3 in the morning and need something, I'm right there! Ugh! It irritates me sometimes and it probably shouldn't. But there comes a point in life when a girl gets fed up with being a doormat and begins wondering if anyone will ever do that for her. It's quite apparent you've become a doormat when the need arises and the people you've stuck your neck out for 80 kazillion times refuses to answer the phone or simply texts back "sorry. busy watching tv at the moment." Yeah well I was busy SLEEPING when you called me, but that didn't stop me from coming to your rescue did it!!! (insert angry face here)

Plus caring for so many people without return gets rather exhausting. I find myself getting so worn out from caring for everybody that I lose all desire to care about the people who really deserve my concern. It's quite ridiculous. I 'spose God made my heart a little bigger for random people that are really of no consequence to my life - neither good nor bad, just people. They usually all have some sort of upsetting story that just makes me go "awww poor thing" and then I'm hooked. I'll be there for life. I don't usually mind except when it's coupled with personal heartache. Then it gets a bit rough for me. I'd say the worst is when guys I might be interested in call to inform me they finally got back with their ex or whoever all because of my advice! Ugh gag me with the bittersweetness of that mess! Yay you're happy; boo I'm not. Of course the friendship has to be severed at that point because the new girlfriend doesn't like his other girl friends. Poop on that. Oh well...guess it's not meant to be. Maybe I'm just destined to be - in the immortal words of Kirsten Dunst in Elizabethtown (wonderful movie btw) - "the substitute people." ..........Oh dear Lord I hope not!