Blog Lull

Oh dearest blog, how I miss thee! How I long to pour my thoughts out into you!!! Yet, the time is not right. Life does not allow my joy or my sorrow to be expressed in a realm where the world can notice. Instead, emotion is poured out in the shower or car as music drowns out the noise of expression. I long to share how I feel with you, precious blog. But my hands are tied. Suffice it to say that I am moving forward. I am moving on with life - growing up, if you will. Not necessarily something I planned or expected, but generally welcomed as time goes by. New things are coming in, old things are fading out. Some things that are welcomed, both in arrival and departure; others, not so much. However, I am leaning on the one who promises favor. FAVOR!The word seems foreign at times. It's unfamiliarity looms overhead. It's an interesting word. Mull it over in your mouth for a while. You'll find it new with every movement. Oh blog, I will return to you someday...someday soon I hope.

"I'll make sure you won't be disappointed. I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you, bring you home to the place form which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it." -Jeremiah 29:14

Thaw The Ice

It's freezing outside. Literally. Temperatures are hovering steadily below 32 degrees F. The whole world is covered in a blanket of white. At first glance, it appears to be a beautiful bed of snow. However, upon further investigation, one realizes that everything is covered in ice - cold, hard, unforgiving ice. Despite its similar beauty, it is a poor substitute for the other. It is but a slight shadow of the reality. Am I speaking to my soul right now?

I've been in a comtemplative mood for awhile now. It's not just the weather. Clearly something is different because I write the word 'I' in reference to myself, something I almost NEVER do! I cut my hair today, got bangs. For the first time in my life, I look popular. I have popular friends now too - real ones that actually know my name and don't just want to cheat off me. I wonder if the hair will change me. I've changed alot lately. I'm much nicer now and genreally more calm. But I find myself wondering...

Is this the shadow of reality or the blanket of snow? Was the horrendous person I used to be the layers of ice attempting to masquerade as something beautiful? I think the latter is true. I feel as if that horrible ice is finally beginning to melt away. Perhaps I am finally becoming myself again. If only it could be so! How marvelous would that be! It comes slowly and some days are frozen, but the gnawing chill of desperationg grows faint as I live to make myself happy and not for the approval of morons. My soul is quiet most nights and my eyes glow with mischief once again. My heart beats fast in the face of injustice and breaks at the sight of misfortune. It's time to unlock the chains and free my heart; time to once again be driven by compassion and love! Time to once again be myself - the sweet, adorable, strange little girl that I am!