Can I just say....

Hooray for new months that bring about renewal of cell phone minutes! If you don't think this is a thing to celebrate try hearing these words from one of the only people you talk to on an hourly basis: "I only have like 15 minutes to last me the rest of the month....so I can't really talk or text you...Sorry." This was about a week ago! I have been one lonely/crazy/slightly more angry than usual/supremely understanding person this week. But Hallelujah - it's OCTOBER!!!! :)

All Smiles...

Exactly one year after the dreaded breakup, I am once again all smiles! This last year has been such a time of blessing for me. I've learned so much about myself and received so much love from God and other great friends! I've lost some friends and made some new ones, I've laughed and I've cried, I've danced and I've pouted. But most of all, I MADE IT!!! I am still alive and life is better than ever! Maybe I'm not exactly where I thought I would be this time last year, but I'm definitely where God wants me and where I'm supposed to be right now. Who knows what the future holds??? All I know is I'm looking forward to it with sparkling eyes once again!

PS It's a little easier when you have a secret that makes you giggle randomly. Haha! :D

My First Embarrassing "Mommy" Moment

(This post is dedicated to Lori Sullivan -

The Queen of Embarrassing Mommy Moments :D)

So Monday I agreed to watch Ellie and Grayson at the church for DeLana because she had Fall Council all day. Everything was going okay until lunchtime, where Ellie proceeded to scream and cry, while Grayson spit up all down his clothes and had to be carried around in front of the missionaries in just his diaper. Not to mention that all of this took place in the kitchen in front of some rather prominent women of the church. I definitely had an "oh what they must think of me!" moment.

Shortly after this, I take the children home to nap. All was well during this time, and my sanity returned. As we were preparing to go back to the church so I could drop the kids off with their Mamo for the rest of the evening, Ellie brought me a book. I promptly instructed her to "please put it back on your shelf so we can go see Mamo." She chirped an "okay!" and trotted off down the hall. I returned my attention to Gray's onesie when I heard the 2 sounds every woman dreads - SMACK, followed by horrific screaming.

I immediately run into the bedroom to find poor Ellie sprawled on the floor holding her cheek. I pick her up and she buries her face in my shoulder. When I inquire as to what happened I got the muffled "iiiiiiiiiiiiii ffffffeeeeeeelllllll aaa aaanddd hhhhiiitttt my ccccchheeeekkkk." When I finally got her to let me see, I found a small scrape and a quickly darkening purple cheekbone. The poor thing must have tripped while running to put away her book and hit her cheek on the bookshelf. :(

She informed me she needed a band-aid and medicine so I took her into the bathroom and found a band-aid. It was neon green and rather large. Let's just say it stretched from nostril to ear! She looked so cute. I knew we needed to ice her cheek or else it was going to be huge so I found a plastic football ice cube and handed it to her with the instructions to "hold it on there." Then I put her on the couch so I could finish getting them ready to leave. She didn't want to hold the football on there because it was cold so I tried to find something to put it in. In an ideal world, this would have consisted of a washcloth or towel or something to that nature. The only thing handy was daddy's sock on the back of the couch. So yes - that's what she got. We finally arrived at the church and Mamo inquires as to what happened and why her granddaughter has a ginormous neon green band-aid across her whole face. Ellie is acting supremely pitiful as together she and I relate what happened. THEN Mamo proceeds to tell her friend Rita (Bro. Dubose's wife) all about Ellie's fall and why she has a green band-aid. AND she chooses to disclose the information about the football ice cube and sock. I wanted to die! (Oh what she must think of me - screaming children, half-naked children, and a black-eyed child with a sock ice pack!) Promptly after the conversation, I went to clean the nursery.

So yes, I have officially had a "Lori" moment! That's what I thought of immediately after the chain of events - "I feel like Lala right now." (You know I love you Lori and I am honored to feel like you as you are a supremely excellent mother!) Ellie is okay by the way. She has a black eye and cheek, but she's not permanently damaged. That's the only reason this story is somewhat humorous. :)

I DON'T WANT TO!!!!!

I would just like to go on record and state that I simply do NOT want to start school. It's not that I don't enjoy learning or furthering my education or any of that other mess. I simply do not enjoy all the nonsense that goes along with such. I am quite ready to be done with school completely, or to actually go to school instead of doing it all online! I would also like to point out that I am rather jealous of all the people who actually get to go to college classes and deal with a wonderful array of college professors and random people in class with you. I wonder what that would be like. Oh well...I don't really have a choice in the matter. But nevertheless, I DON'T WANT TO!!!!! ugh.......

And so it ends...

In a few hours I will begin packing to return to the States tomorrow morning at about buttcrack o'clock. I've had quite a blast on my adventures abroad but I'm honestly glad to have them come to an end. I ready for English and cheeseburgers galore! Haha. I'm also ready to have a bathtub again, AND a bed that doesn't slide off of the box springs every night. I miss my car too, and of course all my friends and family! I'm not sure how I'm gonna make everything fit back into my suitcases. Why do things always grow when you're away from home? It's really rather frustrating. On top of everything you brought with you, there's everything new that you have to take home. Hmm maybe I should have packed less. But then I probably would have fun out of clothes because I have yet to do laundry since being here. That's right! I'm bringing home approximately 5 weeks of dirty reeking clothes! Haha. I told my mom that I might stink upon arrival in San Angelo and she said "it's fine. We'll take you home and wash you." Haha. Anyway, the countdown to return begins and I must admit that I am relieved......can't wait to see you all. :D

An Experience of a Lifetime...

So today plans finally worked out and we went to the Dachau Concentration Camp Memorial Site. I must admit that it was quite a sobering experience. When I used to think about the Holocaust and Concentration Camps I would always think of the horrible pictures in my history books, The Diary of Anne Frank, and various movies about such days and think "Wow that's really awful." But today as I stood in the barracks and looked at the recreated living conditions words escaped me and it was much more than "really awful." The moment I walked into the camp I could feel the heaviness of it all. There were maybe a hundred people walking around but it was relavitely silent. The only sound was the crunch of gravel under people's feet as they walked about. My cousin couldn't understand why we kept whispering and I simply explained that someplaces were meant for whispering and that this was one of them. I was surprised because I didn't cry, not like I expected to anyway. I mainly walked around the camp with a lump in my throat and blurry eyes, trying to wrap my mind around the horrors that went on within those walls. It wasn't even an extermination camp like Auswitz. I'm not sure I could handle that place.

The bunker where they kept other prisoners was absolutely breathtaking. There were two rows of cells running down a long hall. Some of them had been divided into standing cells, which were only 2 feet wide so prisoners were forced to stand for up to 72 hours. There were testimonies of prisoners broadcast onto the cell walls. One related the experience of a prisoner who had been sentenced to 8 months in the dark! 8 MONTHS!!!! I would have gone absolutely crazy. I couldn't imagine the horrors those poor people faced. Some of the pictures were absolutely nauseating. In another room, a prisoner testified to serving 4 months in the dark with food only every 4th day! I'm afraid that I would have been terribly tempted to pray for death, or run into the shooting zone in an attempt to end my suffering.

The crematorium also hit me in the heart. We actually walked through the gas chamber (that was supposedly never used) first and then into the crematorium. I couldn't imagine working in that room, shoveling a neverending line of bodies into ovens all day. What was worse was the fact that they sometimes hung prisoners in that same room, right in front of the ovens. How could anyone do that all day and think that it was a good thing? How could they do it without becoming cold nonemotional zombies? The thought alone sickened me. I don't understand how anyone could ever be so cruel. Surely some part of you would scream out that what you were doing was wrong! I couldn't do it. I really couldn't.

We watched a short film about Dachau and I couldn't help but feel a bit of a sense of pride when they began talking about the American Liberation. I was proud to be on the right side of the fight. I was proud of the soldiers that fought to get into the camp and free those people. The video showed a part where they brought food to the prisoners in the camp. The smiles and way they ate made me feel so proud that the US was there to help! And that we did help, at least as best we could. There was apparently a group in the concentration camp that worked to inform the Americans they could hear fighting in the distance that thousands of lives were at stake, that hundreds of people were dying every hour it took them to get there. I'm getting teary-eyed now as I think about it again. I shed a few tears during the film. It was quite moving.

I didn't take any pictures because frankly I didn't feel it was right. That is thousands of people's graves and I didn't feel right snapping photos like a stinky tourist. The only thing I took pictures of was the International Memorial.

This is the statue in the middle of the roll call yard. I think it speaks for itself and requires no explanation.

"May the example of those who were exterminated here between 1933 - 1945 because they resisted Nazism help to unite the living for the defense of peace and freedom and in respect for their fellow man."

I felt that the visitation of such a place demanded a certain amount of respect from me. I didn't wear sleeveless though it was quite hot, because I found it disrespectful. Consider it poppycock if you wish, but it was my personal feeling. I had emotionally prepared myself for this experience as I knew it was going to be rough. I don't think my dear cousin was quite ready for it though as she was somewhat taken aback by the reality of it all. I must admit that I was rather shocked and somewhat concerned that I knew more about what had gone there than she did. Perhaps I have read more because I have taken an interest in it, but it was frightening nonetheless.

The thought that anything like that could ever happen again is downright nightmare-ish. I pray to God that never happens. Funny how things like that always make you think about God. I found myself often thinking "Dear Jesus....I hope you were with these people as they suffered." It would be very easy to feel as if God had abandoned them as you looked around at the horror. But I know He was there then, as I felt His Presence there today. This may sound cheesy but it was almost as if I could feel His Spirit grieving the loss of soooooo many of His children at the hand of such hatred. I imagine the people at the cross felt the same presence.

So anyway this is a long but important post. I definitely have a new perspective on the Holocaust. If you ever have the chance to go to one of these places, PLEASE take it. It's hard but definitely worth it - an experience I wouldn't trade for the world.