God Appointments

Ever have those moments where you just feel like you're in the "right" place at the "right" time? Lately, I've come to think of them less as coincidence and more as God appointments. I'm apparently at one right now.

Yesterday my mom came to get her hair cut and our hair stylist informed her that she needed someone to cover the reception desk today. My mom asked if I wanted to do it and I said sure why not? It's money in my pocket and experience for the future, right? Anyway, I'm sitting here today and I'll be honest - it's been pretty slow and boring. But my "boss" just got a call that one of her clients passed away. This news coming on the heels of the death of another one of her clients. Needless to say, it's been a rough week for her. Now she's trying to keep it together for her last 3 clients of the day. She got off the phone and looked at me with tears welling in her eyes and felt compelled to apologize to me. I quickly asked if she needed a hug (honestly, I didn't know what else to say or do). When she nodded, I grabbed her and pulled her close.

Right place, right time? I'd say so. I'm so grateful I took the job despite the urge to just be lazy and sit at home today. I love it when I get to be Jesus with skin on.

It makes me want to puke

3 years later and I'm still dealing with nonsense stemming from that ridiculous jerk? Really Eowyn? Well it's official: the man that was once my fiance is now the fiance of the girl I once called best friend. Complicated enough for you? It's like I got drug into a stupid love triangle and apparently I'm going to have to continue to be informed/annoyed/haunted by the whole thing until Jesus comes to get me. I don't have a lot to say on the subject because I don't really know exactly how I feel right now. I can honestly say (with God as my witness) that I wish them all the best as I lean my head over the toilet to dispose of what was once a delicious dinner. Graphic, yes! A pretty accurate description of how I feel at the moment, oh yeah!

Jeremiah 29:23

My new favorite place

Recently, Stacie took me to a store called Concho Confetti. It sells a bunch of old stuff and it's really neat. Well mom and I went on Saturday to look around and I feel absolutely in love with this store. The reason can be summed up in this picture.

There is a corner of this store that contains old black and white photos that people apparently just didn't want anymore. Now I don't know if my mom just raised me right or if I'm a weirdo, but I have a strange passion for thigns from the old. I LOVE it! I stood for a good 15 minutes digging through this pile of pictures. There were baby photos and wedding photos and random photos. There were about 50 cents a piece so I picked out $5 worth and then forced myself to walk away. I loved looking at all those pictures and trying to figure out who the people in them were, where they were, what they were doing. It's interesting to me. It was sad at the same time because someone didn't feel that those pictures were important anymore so they just threw them out. It's tragic that someone's baby pictures and wedding pictures are being sold for 50 cents now. One of the pictures I bought has a story on the back of it. It's awesome! I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with the pictures I bought but I'll figure something out. I just couldn't leave them behind. I'm sure I'll be frequenting that little corner of Concho Confetti quite often now that I know what treasures it holds. If nothing else, the pics are good inspiration for stories. :)

(There's also a section of filled out postcards! One was from 1928!!! LOVE IT!!!)

What the heck am I supposed to be doing???

Honestly, this whole no job, no ideas what I'm doing thing is starting to get old. I cannot force myself to even look at the one thing I technically KNOW I'm supposed to be working on and pursuing. I think the sheer fear of completely failing AGAIN is sucking all the fun out of what I love. I don't wanna be rejected. Could it be possible that I wasted a good 4 and 1/2 years getting a degree in something I love but am apparently not that great at? Surely not....right? I know I can write. I do it all the time. I can do it in my sleep. So why can't I do it when it counts?

Lately, I've been wandering around trying to figure out just what exactly I want to do, besides get married and have a family complete with house to manage. The ideas of marketing and baking have been floating around. I have no idea what marketing even entails though so I'm a little weary on trying that. I love baking. Like literally LOVE it. It's my stress relief. But I don't think I'm a pastry chef type person.

I don't know. I think that's the whole problem. I just DON'T KNOW! It's getting frustrating. Can a girl get a little encouragement here? Maybe a litte direction? Is that too much to ask? I hope not. Cuz I'm asking for both...

Childish

Am I the only one that searches for comfort when things go crazy? Surely not. However, I may be the only one that seeks comfort within the confines of childhood. Things are crazy right now, thus I find myself searching for comfort in the things that made me happy 10 years ago. Even now, i'm eating Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch in my pjs while watching TV. Granted I'm not watching cartoons, but that's mainly because cartoons these days are terrible. I have the extreme urge to pull out my colored pencils and my Disney coloring book and color while I watch "The Little Mermaid." I also wanna bake cookies, which is usually a sign that I'm stressed out. Yes, I admit it - I'm a stress baker. So what do all these things mean? Am I depressed? Doubtful. I mean, granted it would be perfectly understandable considering the recent events. But I really don't think I am. I think I'm just in that grieving period where my soul seeks soemthing familiar to heal it. For me, that equals Barbie dolls and video games. I've always been like this. I guess I just didn't realize it recently because I was a nanny and when I wanted to play with toys all I had to do was go to work. So why am I rambling on about all this like anyone cares? I have no idea. Part of the therapy perhaps? Probably so. Now I'm going to go. I have a date with Mr. Walt Disney! :)

Too Much?

Is it possible to love too much? To care too deeply? To agonize over someone else's pain? If so, I think I have reached that threshold. Someone very dear to me needs money to take care of something that is causing physical pain. And to be perfectly honest, there is no money. No matter which way I crunch the numbers on the calculator, the answer is still the same - insufficient. Thus, I find myself crying in the shower while feverishly scribbling money making schemes on the walls. There is an envelope with more than half the amount needed stashed in my room that I have been saving since graduation for that blissful event known as my wedding. However, tonight I quicky pulled the envelope out of my stash and placed it where it could be found and hopefully accepted. Is it strange that I would so easily give up such a great sum that means something so important to me just to see the one I love made whole again? I'd give everything I had honestly. Even as I write this I am seeing the prophetic ties between my situation and that of the Father. I'm sure it wasn't easy for God to give up his one and only Son for a sinful world full of people who constantly reject Him and blame Him for struggles and strife that they ultimately bring upon themselves. Yet, He graciously extends his hand to us. He slips a simple offering beneath a pillow that we might stumble across it and hopefully accept the gift. I feel like the Lord is desperately trying to teach me something in the area of giving and I cannot figure out what it is. All I know is that more and more often, I feel the quickening of the Holy Spirit to give something. I literally gave $5 to a man in the Wal-Mart parking lot who said he was trying to by a bus ticket back to San Antonio. I have never done that before. I hesitate to give and then instantly feel convicted by the Holy Spirit. I'm not sure if I'm getting it right or not, but I'm giving it my best shot and that's really all we can do in those situations....right? I feel like I need to do more, but I'm not sure how much more I can do. My money disappears quickly these days with bills and trips and the like.But the words of Pastor Dave keep ringing in my head: "You are blessed with more so you can give more." In regards to the current situation, all I can ask is for God to provide. Sun stand still!

Spring Break

Spring Break was GLORIOUS! I spent 3 days doing nothing but sitting on my booty and playing video games. Then I went on a missions trip help rebuild an orphanage in Fairfield. It was so fun! Hard work but super fun. I made some amazing new friends - 5 in particular that I can't wait to go see next time I'm around Dallas. It was awesome to be called by name and to be talked to every morning. These people were so nice and so appreciative of everything that me and Mariah did. It was strange at first but oh so refreshing. I wish we could get a little more of that going on around here. It's nice to have people know you and actually care about you. I've been separated from them for like 2 days now but we are all already friends on Facebook and commenting on each other's statuses almost daily. It's amazing. maybe being involved isn't so bad after all. Maybe I needed this to help remind me of the things I love and need in my life. Maybe it was just nice to get away and be around people that aren't constantly screaming (aka my darling students). Who knows the reason. All I know was that it was GLORIOUS!!!